“If you keep a gun in your purse, you get killed, because no woman can find anything in her purse in under twelve minutes. It's a rule.”

“In short, if your body or mind
Or your soul or your purse come to grief,
You need only get drunk, and you'll find
Complete and immediate relief.”

“You can't sit down right,
Cause your jeans are too tight,
And you're lucky it's ladies night.
With your big empty purse,
Every week it gets worse,
At least your breasts cost more than hers.”

“The louder a man tells you he’s honest, the harder you must hold onto your purse.”

“It is a lie if we tell ourselves that the police can protect us everywhere, at all times. Firearms restrictions are bad enough, but now a woman can't even carry Mace in her purse?”

“Well, it's not my fault that you can't manage your money.'
You threw away my purse.'
I thought it was an enemy.”

“Twelve minutes. I can give you that.”

“Shaunee was digging in her purse like she'd misplaced a tube of one of MAC's seasonal lipsticks that you buy and fall in love with AND THEN THEY DISCONTINUE IT BECAUSE THEY REALLY HATE US AND WANT US TO BE CRAZY.”

“She wore her sexuality with an older woman's ease, and not like an awkward purse, never knowing how to hold it, where to hang it, or when to just put it down.”

“Kiss me as if you made believe
You were not sure, this eve,
How my face, your flower, had pursed
It's petals up.”