“How're the Broncos doing?"
"Like a bunch of carrots."
"Is that bad?"
"Can carrots play baseball?"
"I guess not."
"Then you have your answer.”

“Knowledge is like the carrot, few know by looking at the green top that the best part, the orange part, is there. Like the carrot, if you don't work for it, it will wither away and rot. And finally, like the carrot, there are a great many donkeys and jackasses that are associated with it.”

“Yes, a bunch of carrots, observed directly, painted simply in the personal way one sees it, worth more than the Ecole's everlasting slices of buttered bread, that tobacco-juice painting, slavishly done by the book? The day is coming when a single original carrot will give birth to a revolution.”

“If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.”

“Baby carrots are making me gay.”

“You know who Carrot-Top should be married to in a movie? Gallagher.”

“God, you are a big, ghoulish woman. I'm talking to you, Carrot Top.”

“In my first video diary I explained my love for women who have a taste in carrots.”

“The pursuit of happiness is not only self-defeating but also impossible. It’s like trying to catch a carrot hanging by a string tied to a stick attached to your back.”

“Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was.
Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.”