“Accursed from their birth they be
Who seek to find monogamy,
Pursuing it from bed to bed—
I think they would be better dead.”

“In 1840 I was called from my farm to undertake the administration of public affairs and I foresaw that I was called to a bed of thorns. I now leave that bed which has afforded me little rest, and eagerly seek repose in the quiet enjoyments of rural life.”

“I decided to stay in bed until noon. Maybe by then half the world would be dead and it would only be half as hard to take.”

“I used to think I was great in bed until I discovered that all my girlfriends suffered from asthma.”

“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.”

“There is a riddle about a man who is locked in a room with nothing but a bed and a calendar, and the question is: How does he survive?
The answer is: He eats dates from the calendar and drinks water from the springs of the bed.”

“Better to sleep in an uncomfortable bed free, than sleep in a comfortable bed unfree.”

“When you're in bed, you're dead”

“Oh would I were dead now,
Or up in my bed now,
To cover my head now,
And have a good cry!”

“I think the American dream is still what gets us out of bed every day, that life can be better…”