“I knew I would always want to go on living with myself, however hollow I became, however diseased.”

—  John Fowles , book The Magus

Daniel Martin (1977)
Source: The Magus
Context: I saw that I was from now on, for ever, contemptible. I had been and remained, intensely depressed, but I had also been, and always would be, intensely false; in existentialist terms, inauthentic. I knew I would never kill myself, I knew I would always want to go on living with myself, however hollow I became, however diseased.

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John Fowles 120
British writer 1926–2005

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