“I'm thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off.”

“Anybody can observe the Sabbath, but making it holy surely takes the rest of the week.”

“Do you know how fat you are, do you? No, you don't, 'CAUSE YOUR FACE IS AN ISLAND TRAPPED IN A SEA OF FLAB! I would stab you to death… but I can't afford to take the two weeks off work!”

“If everyone started off the day singing, just think how happy they'd be.”

“Again I resume the long
lesson: how small a thing
can be pleasing, how little
in this hard world it takes
to satisfy the mind
and bring it to its rest.”

“I take that back I won't stop singing when I'm dead

I'll sing from the great beyond, I will echo in your head

And if you think taking your life will set your free

You've got something to learn, it's called humility

You've got something to learn, it's called humility”

“Try to work so hard for your benefit that you can compress a week into one day.”

“Being a Songwriter isn't hard as you think, like If you want to pursue on your dreams and no matter how difficult it is.”

“A wonderful bird is a pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week;
But I'm damned if I see how the helican.”

“How stupid it was for the king to tear out his hair in grief, as if baldness were a cure for sorrow.”