“"Whaa, I'm Brad Pitt. I'll crush you." [audience laughs] "With my hand!"”

“Icke: The best way of removing negativity is to laugh and be joyous, Terry, so I'm glad that there's been so much laughter in the audience tonight.
Wogan: But they're laughing at you. They're not laughing with you.
Icke: I don't care.”

“(I'm a soldier) These shoulders hold up so much
They won't budge, I'll never fall or fold up
(I'm a soldier) Even if my collarbones crush or crumble
I will never slip or stumble”

“Bob Hope: Put your head back through there, or I'll start handing out baseballs to the audience.”

“I'm not stupid, stupid. Leave this whole thing in my extremely capable and well-manicured hands. I'll call you later with an update. Bye!”

“.. I'll be laughing when I'm old and and all my programmer friends have gone alexic from staring at too many tiny pixels”

“Whatever my fate, I'll go to it laughing.”

“If you want a lover I'll do anything you ask.

If you want a different kind of love I'll wear a mask.

If you want to strike me down in anger here I stand.

If you want a partner in life take my hand.

I'm your man.”

“I'm ridiculous to feel ridiculous when I'm not.
You must
be laughing at me
for feeling you are laughing at me
if you are not laughing at me.”

“Creator — A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.”