“[from a skit about airports] You know you're in trouble when at the control tower, there's a note taped to the door that says "Back in five minutes."”

Games Rednecks Play (1995)

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Jeff Foxworthy31

American stand-up comedian 1958

Mitch Hedberg (1968–2005) American stand-up comedian

Strategic Grill Locations

“Whenever you look back and say, "If," you know you're in trouble. There's no such thing as "if." The only thing that counts is what really happened.”

D.J. MacHale book The Merchant of Death

Variant: Whenever you look back and say "if" you know you're in trouble. There is no such thing as "if". The only thing that matters is what really happened.
Source: The Merchant of Death

“Every play is rhythmic control. If you want an audience to go on a journey, it’s rhythmic control. You’re crafting when they lean in, when they push back, when they breathe, when they surrender. It takes you probably five to six minutes to build trust with an audience. A musical you can build trust in three notes. Boom, boom, boom, you’re instantly seduced. So musicals have this easy potency, but generally, in my opinion, they waste them, because a musical is incredibly hard to do…”

George C. Wolfe (1954) American playwright

On a dramatic work having its own energy in “GEORGE C. WOLFE” https://www.interviewmagazine.com/culture/george-c-wolfe in Interview Magazine (2016 May 9)

“Yeah sure, why not?"i said, making a mental note to get a good look at his wings. For all I knew, they were remote-controlled and duct taped to his back.”
-max”

James Patterson (1947) American author

Source: Fang

“You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.”

Eoin Colfer (1965) Irish author of children's books

“It's a troublesome world. All the people who're in it
are troubled with troubles almost every minute.
You oughta be thankful, a whole heaping lot,
For the places and people you're lucky you're not!”

Dr. Seuss book Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?

The last sentence of this statement is often misquoted as "You oughta be thankful, a whole heaping lot, / For the people and places you're lucky you're not!"
Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? (1973)

“One day, thought Stone, there will be a war and when you get to the front you will last five minutes before someone puts a bullet in your back.”

Christopher Wood (writer) (1935–2015) English writer

Wood, Christopher. "Terrible Hard", Says Alice. London: Constable. 1970. (chapter 1)

“The factory workers say that it’s impossible to do anything right. If you arrive five minutes early you are a saboteur; if you arrive five minutes late you are betraying socialism; if you arrive on time they say, "Where did you get the watch?"”

Len Deighton book Funeral in Berlin

Funeral in Berlin (1964; repr. Harmondsworth: Penguin, 1966) pp. 144-5
Described there as a joke current in 1960s Czechoslovakia

“That's the trouble with loving a wild thing: You're always left watching the door.”

Edith Pattou book East

Source: East