“It would be pleasant to be drunk:
faithless to my tongue and hands,
giving up the boundaries
for the heroic gin.
Dead drunk is the term I think of,
insensible,
neither cool nor warm,
without a head or foot.
To be drunk is to be intimate with a fool.
I will try it shortly.”

“I am neither as drunk as a Lord, nor as sober as a judge. I am more in the condition of a Lord Justice.”

“If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get me drunk," I said to Ranger.
"Not drunk," Ranger said. "Just relaxed and naked.”

“And I got so drunk, I got so drunk that I actually woke up thinking, "Should I get up and pee, or just pee in the bed?" Actually weighing the pros and the cons. "Well, it'll be warm for a minute… it's a big bed, I'll just roll over… I'll just blame it on that guy!"”

“Elmer Gantry was drunk. He was eloquently drunk, lovingly and pugnaciously drunk.”

“I was drunk.”

“I know some who are constantly drunk on books as other men are drunk on whiskey.”

““Am I drunk?" he asked Crewcut. "You're not drunk, Boss," Crewcut replied. "How could a superior individual like you be drunk? People around here who get drunk are the dregs of society, illiterates, uncouth people. Highbrow folks, those of the 'spring snow,' cannot get drunk. You're a highbrow, therefore you cannot be drunk.””

“If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.”

“I don't think I've drunk enough beer to understand that.”