Daniel Handler cytaty strona 3

„(…) smutna prawda polega na tym, że kiedy komuś umrze bliska osoba, znajomi często zaczynają tego kogoś unikać, chociaż akurat w takich chwilach obecność przyjaciół jest najbardziej potrzebna.”

Przykry początek
Źródło: rozdział I, s. 7

„Na świecie jest bardzo, bardzo wiele rodzajów książek – i całkiem słusznie, gdyż na świecie żyje bardzo, bardzo wiele rodzajów ludzi i każdy lubi czytać coś innego.”

Przykry początek
Źródło: rozdział III, s. 40

„Bohaterem tej bajeczki jest mały męczydusza, który krzyczy: „Wilk! Wilk!”, chociaż wilka wcale nie ma w pobliżu, i za każdym razem łatwowierni wieśniacy pędzą mu na pomoc, aby przekonać się, że to był tylko żart. Ale raz chłopczyk krzyknął: „Wilk! Wilk!” wcale nie dla żartu tylko, że nikt mu już nie przybiegł na pomoc. Wilk zjadł dowcipnisia, i na tym, Bogu dzięki, bajeczka się kończy.
Morał z niej płynie oczywisty: „Nie osiedlaj się tam, gdzie wilki hasają na wolności” – chociaż ten, kto wam czytał tę bajeczkę, na pewno twierdził, że jej morał brzmi: nie kłam, bo pożałujesz.”

Przykry początek
Źródło: rozdział VII, s. 89

„Czasem wystarczy powiedzieć głośno, że się czegoś nienawidzi, i usłyszeć, że ktoś się z nami zgadza, aby poczuć się lepiej nawet w najgorszej sytuacji.”

Gabinet gadów
Źródło: rozdział X, s. 155, 156

„Śmierć kochanej osoby to dziwna rzecz. Wszyscy wiemy, że nasz czas na tym świecie jest ograniczony i w końcu każdy skończy pod tym czy owym białym prześcieradłem, żeby się więcej nie obudzić. A jednak, gdy spotyka to kogoś, kogo znamy, zawsze jesteśmy zaskoczeni.”

Przykry początek
Źródło: rozdział III, s. 38

Daniel Handler cytaty

„(…) z niefortunnymi zdarzeniami tak już w życiu bywa: sam fakt, że ich nie rozumiemy, nie znaczy, że nie mają miejsca.”

Gabinet gadów
Źródło: rozdział VII, s. 108

„Jedną z najgorszych rzeczy w życiu jest żałowanie. Coś się wydarza, ty robisz nie to, co trzeba, a potem latami żałujesz, że nie zrobiłeś czegoś całkiem innego. Na przykład ja, gdy spaceruję brzegiem morza albo odwiedzam grób przyjaciółki, zawsze myślę o tym dniu, dawno, dawno temu, gdy nie zabrałem latarki w miejsce, gdzie koniecznie trzeba było zabrać latarkę, i skutki tego były tragiczne. Dlaczego ja nie wziąłem latarki? – wyrzucam sobie, chociaż już nic nie można na to poradzić.”

Przykry początek
Źródło: rozdział XIII, s. 172

„Istnieje jednak pewien rodzaj książek, których prawie nikt nie lubi czytać, a są to książki prawnicze. Książki prawnicze słyną z tego, że są bardzo grube, bardzo nudne i bardzo trudne do zrozumienia. Dlatego właśnie prawnicy często zarabiają kupę pieniędzy. Taka kupa pieniędzy to znakomity bodziec – słowo „bodziec” oznacza tu: „spodziewana nagroda za zrobienie tego, czego nie chce się robić””

Trzeba było wziąć latarkę.
Gabinet gadów
Źródło: rozdział IV, s. 53, 54

„Jest rzeczą wielce użyteczną, aby za młodu nauczyć się różnicy między „dosłownie” a „w przenośni”. Jeżeli coś dzieje się dosłownie, to dzieje się naprawdę; jeżeli coś dzieje się w przenośni, to tylko zdaje nam się, że się dzieje. Jeśli, na przykład, dosłownie skaczesz z radości, to odbijasz się od ziemi, bo jesteś bardzo szczęśliwy. Jeżeli skaczesz z radości w przenośni, to znaczy, że jesteś tak bardzo szczęśliwy, że mógłbyś skakać z radości, ale nie robisz tego, oszczędzając energię na inne działania.”

do studiowania strasznie grubych, nudnych i trudnych ksiąg.
Przykry początek
Źródło: rozdział VII, s. 89, 90

„(…) gdy się człowiek porządnie i długo wypłacze, na ogół robi mu się lepiej, nawet jeśli okoliczności nie zmieniły się ani na jotę.”

Przykry początek
Źródło: rozdział V, s. 74

„To, co się stało, potrafi splamić nasz sentyment do miejsca, tak jak tusz plami białe płótno. Można potem prać i prać, ale i tak nie da się nigdy zapomnieć o tym, co zaszło – czyli „zdarzyło się i wszystkich zasmuciło.””

Przykry początek
Źródło: rozdział V, s. 63

“This is love if it's not with you, a terrible fiery something that makes people look away, and it feels like a punch in the throat.”

Gabinet gadów
Źródło: rozdział IX, s. 137, 138

Daniel Handler: Cytaty po angielsku

“Why, you're all grown up! The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!”

Daniel Handler książka Adverbs

Źródło: Adverbs

“People aren't either wicked or noble," the hook-handed man said. They're like chef's salad, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.”

Daniel Handler książka The Grim Grotto

Count Olaf
The Grim Grotto (2004)

“For Beatrice--I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.”

Daniel Handler książka The Grim Grotto

The Grim Grotto (2004)

“All love gets over, and we must get over it.”

Daniel Handler książka The Wide Window

Lemony Snicket
The Wide Window (2000)

“In this large and fierce world of ours, there are many, many unpleasant places to be. You can be in a river swarming with angry electric eels, or in a supermarket filled with vicious long-distance runners. You can be in a hotel that has no room service, or you can be lost in a forest that is slowly filling up with water. You can be in a hornet's nest or in an abandoned airport or the office of a pediatric surgeon, but one of the most unpleasant things that can happen is to find yourself in a quandary.”

Daniel Handler książka Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Frigidly

“"Oh my god!" Hillary is standing in the doorway of the bathroom of the bathroom which on one had is surprising but there's the other hand, too.”

Daniel Handler książka The Vile Village

Lemony Snicket
The Vile Village (2001)

“If you are like most people, you have an assortment of friends and family you can call upon in times of trouble. For instance, if you woke up in the middle of the night and saw a masked woman trying to crawl through your bedroom window, you might call your mother or father to help you push her back out. If you found yourself hopelessly lost in the middle of a strange city, you might ask the police to give you a ride home. And if you were an author locked in an Italian restaurant that was slowly filling up with water, you might call upon your acquaintances in the locksmith, pasta, and sponge businesses to come and rescue you.”

Daniel Handler książka Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Often

“What can be hidden in a book?”

Daniel Handler książka The Hostile Hospital

Lemony Snicket
The Hostile Hospital (2001)

“It's hard for decent people to stay angry at someone who has burst into tears, which is why it is often a good idea to burst into tears if a decent person is yelling at you.”

Daniel Handler

Lemony Snicket
Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography (2002)

“If you were to take a plastic bag and place it inside a large bowl, and then, using a wooden spoon, stir the bag around, you could use the expression 'a mixed bag' to describe what you had in front of you, but you would not be using the expression in the same way I am about to use it now. Although 'a mixed bag' sometimes refers to a plastic bag that has been stirred in a bowl, more often, it is used to describe a situation that has both good parts and bad parts. An afternoon movie theater, for example, would be a mixed bag if your favorite movie were showing, but if you had to eat gravel instead of popcorn. A trip to the zoo would be a very mixed bag if the weather were beautiful, but all the man and woman-eating lions were running around loose.”

Daniel Handler książka The Carnivorous Carnival

Lemony Snicket
The Carnivorous Carnival (2002)

“Mike could see the fellow cooked and ate and sat on a sofa and put his feet up on the table it magazines. Mike didn't care which ones the fellow subscribed to, because Mike had subscribed to the fellow.”

Daniel Handler książka The Ersatz Elevator

Lemony Snicket
The Ersatz Elevator (2001)

“Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make--bombs for instance, or strawberry shortcake--if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble. Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see how this can lead to terrible trouble. For instance, one morning you might wake up and make the assumption that your bed was in the same place that it always was, even though you would have no real evidence that this was so. But when you got out of your bed, you might discover that it has floated out to sea, and now you would be in terrible trouble all because of the incorrect assumption that you'd made. You can see that it is better not to make too many assumptions, particularly in the morning.”

Daniel Handler książka Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Collectively

“There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or, in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. For instance, the Baudelaire orphans have a fear of Count Olaf, which makes perfect sense, because he is an evil man who wants to destroy them. But if they were afraid of lemon meringue pie, this would be an irrational fear, because lemon meringue pie is delicious and would never hurt a soul. Being afraid of a monster under the bed is perfectly rational, because there may in fact be a monster under your bed at any time, ready to eat you all up, but a fear of realtors is an irrational fear. Realtors, as I'm sure you know, are people who assist in the buying and selling of houses. Besides occasionally wearing an ugly yellow coat, the worst a realtor can do to you is show you a house that you find ugly, so it is completely irrational to be terrified of them. -Lemony Snicket”

Daniel Handler książka The Austere Academy

The Austere Academy (2000)

“Never mind what you were doing, Olaf said. You're fired!
You can't fire me! Esme growled. I quit!
Well, you can leave by mutual agreement, Olaf grumbled and then with another succinct Ha! he lifted the harpoon gun and pointed it at Dewey Denouement.”

Daniel Handler książka The Wide Window

The Wide Window (2000)

“I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.”

Daniel Handler książka The Penultimate Peril

The Penultimate Peril (2005)

“Why do so many things end in fire?”

Daniel Handler książka The Beatrice Letters

The Beatrice Letters (2006)

“Standing ten feet away from Lila was sort of kickass with her nails drumming on the box with the slot in, where we put everything that we rip in half, and with her blue-eyed beauty and with the gum she was chewing and how lovely she was, in that way that makes you want to find something else lovely just so you can give it to her and see how really kickass it is to have to lovely things next to each other.”

Daniel Handler

Lemony Snicket
Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography (2002)

“When you traveling by bus, it is always difficult to decide whether you should sit in a seat by the window, a seat on the aisle, or a seat in the middle. If you take an aisle seat, you have the advantage of being able to stretch your legs whenever you like, but you have the disadvantage of people walking by you, and they can accidentally step on your toes or spill something on your clothing. If you take a window seat, you have the advantage of getting a clear view of the scenery, but you have the disadvantage of watching insects die was they hit the glass. If you take the middle seat, you have neither of these advantages, and you have the added disadvantage of people leaning all over you when they fall asleep. You can see at once why you should always hire a limousine or rent a mule rather than take the bus to your destination.”

Daniel Handler książka Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Obviously

“My stepfather said that the amount of treachery in this world is enormous, and that the best we could do was one small noble thing.”

Daniel Handler książka The Vile Village

Lemony Snicket
The Vile Village (2001)

“It was the sort of day when people walk in the park and solve problems. "We'll simply call the taxi company, David, and request a large one, like one of those vans." Is the sort of thing you would overhear if you were overhearing in the park.”

Daniel Handler książka The Grim Grotto

Fiona
The Grim Grotto (2004)

“"I know" Helena said and this is another example of why behave this way? Things just poured out of her mouth lately, like vomit, and sometimes it actually was.”

Daniel Handler książka Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Naturally

“One of the most troublesome things in life is that what you do or do not want has very little to do with what does or does not happen.”

Daniel Handler książka Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Not Particularly

“I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to read this book because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put this book down instantaneously, because of all the books describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest yet. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumber mill, and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log.”

Daniel Handler książka The Carnivorous Carnival

Lemony Snicket
The Carnivorous Carnival (2002)

“She said, "We're detectives" in the tone of voice that someone might say, "Making you happy isn't making me happy"”

Daniel Handler książka The Miserable Mill

The Miserable Mill (2000)

“judgmentally, judgmentally, judgmentally I would believe in you and sword fight others who did not, any necessary sacrifice if you were in the mood for that.”

Daniel Handler książka Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Frigidly

“To Beatrice--My love flew like a butterfly, Until death swooped down like a bat, As the poet Emma Montana McElroy said: That's the end of that.”

Daniel Handler książka Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Judgmentally

“A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes.”

Daniel Handler książka The Miserable Mill

-Lemony Snicket
The Miserable Mill (2000)

“This is love, and the trouble with it: it can make you embarrassed. Love is really liking someone a whole lot and not wanting to screw that up. Everybody's chewed over this. This unites us, this part of love.”

Daniel Handler książka The Vile Village

Lemony Snicket
The Vile Village (2001)

“This world is suchier than we are, and the best thing to do is keep moving and find your keys.”

Daniel Handler książka Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Collectively