Emo Philips idézet

„Az osztálytársaim megdugtak bármit, ami mozgott, de én sose tartottam fontosnak, hogy efféle korlátok közé szorítsam magam.”

„A suliban még egy csomó dolgot nem értékel az ember. Olyan apróságokra gondolok például, hogy naponta elfenekeli egy középkorú nőci - ilyesmiért később jó sokat kell fizetni.”

„A barátnőm azt mondta a múlt éjszaka az ágyban: "te perverz vagy". Azt válaszoltam: "Nagy szavak ezek egy kilenc éves lánytól".”

„Imádok lejárni az iskolába és figyelni, ahogy a kisgyerekek ugrálnak fel és le, szaladgálnak ide-oda miközben kiabálnak és sikítoznak. Nem tudják, hogy vaktöltényt használok.”

„A gyerekkori limonádéstandomon az első pohár ital ingyenes volt, csak a második pohár került 5 dollárba. Abban volt az ellenméreg.”

„…és sosem felejtem el nagyapám utolsó szavait: "Egy kamion!"”

„Gyerekkoromban minden éjszaka Istenhez imádkoztam, hogy adjon nekem egy biciklit. Miután láttam, hogy ez nem működik, loptam magamnak egyet és azért imádkoztam, hogy bocsásson meg nekem.”

„Sokáig azt gondoltam, hogy az agyam a legcsodálatosabb szervem. Aztán rájöttem, ki mondta ezt nekem.”

„Egy barátom adott nekem egy Philip Glass lemezt. 5 óra hosszat hallgattam, mire rájöttem, hogy ugrik a tű rajta.”

„Péntek délután az iskolából mentem hazafelé, amikor láttam, hogy néhány munkás egy építkezésen dolgozik. És a légkalapácsos fickó egy paranoid kis piszoknak nevezett! Morze kódokkal.”

„Hányan bírnak itt telekinetikus képességekkel? Emeljék fel a kezem!”

„Új alsógatyát szereztem magamnak. Mármint nekem újat.”

„Egy szomszéd kissrác képzeletbeli barátja voltam.”

„Az anyám olyan volt nekem, mint egy lánytestvér - csak nem szexeltünk annyit.”

„Ma három mérföldet szaladtam. Végül megálltam és azt mondtam: "Hölgyem, vegye vissza a táskáját."”

„Egyszer egy számítógép megvert sakkban - de aztán alulmaradt kick-boxban.”

„Egy bárban voltam akkor éjszaka. Bárszékről bárszékre csapongtam, de sajnos nem volt szerencsém. Egyik alatt se találtam rágógumit.”

“When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!"”

“I ran three miles today… finally I said, "Lady, take your purse."”

“I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!"”

“People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"”

“How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.”

“When I was ten, my family moved to Downers Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”

“I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.”

“People ask me how much I weigh. I tell them, 145 pounds, naked. That is, if that scale outside the drugstore is anything to go by.”

“Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the Devil. Other than that, though, it's been a good day.”

“I got into a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."”

“Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: "A truck!"”

“The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said, "If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip… which, according to your own very latest government Pentagon spending figures, will more than make up the difference."”

“I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.”

“Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.”

“I like walking in the park… plucking out nose hairs. Those sleeping winos hate that.”

“I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.”

“I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.”

“I was in a bar a few nights ago, moving from stool to stool, trying to get lucky… But there was no gum under any of them. And I hear giggling behind me. At first I don't mind, but the giggling continues… Finally, I thought "What's so amusing?" I turn around, and these two guys, for the last, oh, half hour or so, have been throwing darts into my head. It's a good thing I heard them! I said, "Look, you bums," 'cause I was angry now, "As soon as this game is over, hit the road!"”

“You know, at parties, people always ask, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi!”

“I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was… conscious. … But I love her from the hair on her head to the tag on her toes.”

“When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would … and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.”

“I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?" And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.”

“So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.”

“A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon…"”

“My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she's reading.”

“Well, my brother says "hello"! So, hooray for speech therapy.”

“Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.”

“New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York."”

“My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and… placing bets…”