“I don't understand why people don't have a f***ing sense of humor. Always assume that I'm being sarcastic.”

“People say: «Why don't you give it up?» I don't think they quite understand. I'm not doing it just for the money, or for you. I'm doing it for me. ”

“Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would admit throwing an f-bomb in there would help get a reaction. … I'm not on a Puritanical pursuit, but when I would curse in a joke, I believe I'm not done writing it.”

“Be strong, believe in freedom and in God, love yourself, understand your sexuality, have a sense of humor, masturbate, don't judge people by their religion, color or sexual habits, love life and your family.”

“People in the countryside carry a sense of dignity. They wear it, don't they? Like a badge? I'm being genuine.”

“I guess people don't understand that I'm just a person.”

“Really?"
"No. I'm being ironic. Or is it sarcastic? I can never remember."
"Irony's cleverer, so you're probably being sarcastic.”

“I don't have an English sense of humor. In my language, I have tons of it. In English, you have to really get the slang, and the culture.”

“Because of [my father Robert Thurman, a former Tibetan Buddhist monk], I often get asked if I'm a Buddhist. I always say no, because I have such respect for the rigor of being a practicing religious person. I'm an actress and a mom, and I probably don't have enough of an active spiritual life. And I don't know why people run around calling themselves by the names of religions when they don't actually practice them.”

“He's being sarcastic. I hate when people are sarcastic. It's so cheap.”