“If you think this is funny, wait 'till you get into combat. You'll think that's hysterical!”

“Crying, waiting, hoping, that you'll come back.
I just can't seem to get you off my mind.
Crying, waiting, hoping, that you'll come back.
You're the one I love and I think about you all the time.”

“If you think eating healthy is expensive… just wait till you see the medical bills from eating cheap, crappy food.”

“If you put off everything till you're sure of it, you'll get nothing done.”

“Just when you think it can't get worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it will. But as long as you remember that he loves you and you love him you'll be just fine.”

“There is no way of being almost funny or mildly funny or fairly funny or tolerably funny. You are either funny or not funny and there is nothing in between. And usually it is the writer who thinks he is funny and the reader who thinks he isn't.”

“Funny, how just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does.”

“It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.”

“As you see the opening get closer, you just can't get fast enough. And finally, just when you think you'll never get there, you see the opening right in front of you.”

“If you like the post office and the Department of Motor Vehicles and you think they're run well, just wait till you see Medicare, Medicaid and health care done by the government.”