“Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a raccoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man.”

“If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.”

“If you're treated a certain way you become a certain kind of person. If certain things are described to you as being real they're real for you whether they're real or not.”

“If you're older, you're smarter. I just believe that. If you're in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen to 'em … even if they're wrong, their wrongness is rooted in more information than you have.”

“If you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black.”

“I'm drinking Jack and I started blacking out. You ever black out? Or as I call it, time travel? You ever do that? Oh yeah! You know how it is -- you're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in another bar. You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're playing that knife game with a half-Indian somewhere in North Dakota, "Yeah! Yeah! Winner fixes the tranny! Yeah". You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in White Castle -- working there 3 years, STILL not assistant manager. Your buddies tell you to quit, but you can't 'cause you're banging the slow girl on the fry-o-later. They say she's a little retarded, but those titties ain't retarded!”

“You're not even Mexican!”

“If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish”

“Education is indoctrination if you're white - subjugation if you're black.”

“You're not black, white, yellow or brown. You're an American.”