“Let me be as weird as I fuckin' like. It's my fuckin' life.”

“All my life I was told and taught I am not shit
By you wack fuckin' giant sacks of lyin' dog shit
Now you shut up, bitch, I am talkin'
Thought I was full of horseshit and now you fuckin' worship the ground on which I am walkin'”

“If I fuckin' die without having written two, three, or four brilliant rock songs… I don't know why I lived my life.”

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”

“They'll drop a cage into the water, and the shark'll be. like, "What you doin' down 'ere? What you fuckin' doin' down 'ere?" And they'll get a bit of meat on a stick and go "Oy! Wanker! Bleurgh!" And they’ll go "Oh, is that for me?" [pretends to shove meat in shark’s mouth] "You fuckin’…"”

“Bees. They don't know they've even got a fuckin' sting. It's like buzzes, it's a twat with a shotgun!”

“I'd like to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real fuckin' big!”

“I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”

“I like to keep the inside of the house between 70 and 75 degrees. My ex-wife liked to keep the inside of the house between 75 and a hundred and fuckin' ten. And you can't keep Tater Salad at that temperature.”

“I don't come out on film. I get the red eye. Blokes like that: [imitates knocking someone out] "You fuckin' will in a minute, ya twat!"”