“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. ”

— Rodney Dangerfield

Last update June 3, 2021. History

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Rodney Dangerfield 54

American actor and comedian 1921–2004

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“My wife stood up in the stirrups, grabbed my bottom lip and said "I want morphine!" I said "But, dear —" [vigorously breathing]. She said "You shut up! YOU did this to me!" And on the next contraction she told everybody in the delivery room that my parents were never married.”

Bill Cosby (1937) American actor, comedian, author, producer, musician, activist

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“My wife wants a dog. She already has a baby. The baby’s almost two. My wife says that the baby wants the dog.
My wife has been wanting a dog for a long time. I have had to be the one to tell her that she couldn’t have one. But now the baby wants a dog, my wife says. This may be true. The baby is very close to my wife. They go around together all the time, clutching each other tightly. I ask the baby, who is a girl, “Whose girl are you? Are you Daddy’s girl?” The baby says, “Momma,” and she doesn’t just say it once, she says it repeatedly, “Momma momma momma.””

Donald Barthelme (1931–1989) American writer, editor, and professor

I don’t see why I should buy a hundred-dollar dog for that damn baby.
“Chablis”, opening
Forty Stories (1987)

“My wife is in Portugal with the dog. The dog is with my wife so the city of London is safe, the big threat is away.”

José Mourinho (1963) Portuguese association football player and manager

After his Yorkshire Terrier had issues with customs.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/funny_old_game/7004282.stm
Chelsea FC

“She kissed me, author of The Little Dog Laughed. Then she took my wrist with her two hands. She pressed her lips into the palm of my hand. She placed my hand upon her bosom between her breasts. She turned her lips toward my face and waited. And Arturo Bandini, the great author dipped deep into his colorful imagination, romantic Arturo Bandini, just chock-full of clever phrases, and he said, weakly, kittenishly, "Hello."”

John Fante book Ask the Dust

Ask the Dust (1939)

“Yet fill my glass: give me one kiss:
My own sweet Alice, we must die.
There's somewhat in this world amiss
Shall be unriddled by and by.”

Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809–1892) British poet laureate

"The Miller's Daughter" (1832)
Context: Yet fill my glass: give me one kiss:
My own sweet Alice, we must die.
There's somewhat in this world amiss
Shall be unriddled by and by.
There's somewhat flows to us in life,
But more is taken quite away.
Pray, Alice, pray, my darling wife,
That we may die the self-same day.

“I opened my eyes
While you were kissing me once more than once,
And you looked as sincere as a dog.
Just as sincere as a dog does,
When it's the food on your lips with which it's in love.”

Fiona Apple (1977) singer-songwriter, musician

Parting Gift
Song lyrics, Extraordinary Machine (2005)

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”

Judy Garland (1922–1969) actress, singer and vaudevillian from the United States

“She’s best friends with my wife. (Julian)
Gracie? You’re married to Gracie? That was you? You’re Mr. Hot Bottom! (Sunshine)”

Sherrilyn Kenyon Night Embrace

Source: Night Embrace

“My wife is in Portugal with the dog. The dog is with my wife so the city of London is safe, the big threat is away. [After his Yorkshire Terrier had issues with customs. ]”

José Mourinho (1963) Portuguese association football player and manager

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/funny_old_game/7004282.stm
Chelsea FC

“I have the kiss of Walt Whitman still on my lip.”

Oscar Wilde (1854–1900) Irish writer and poet

In a journal or later note by George Cecil Ives recording a meeting with Wilde in 1900, Oscar Wilde: Myths, Miracles and Imitations (Cambridge University Press,1996), John Stokes

“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. ”

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Rodney Dangerfield 54

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