“My wife is in Portugal with the dog. The dog is with my wife so the city of London is safe, the big threat is away.”

— José Mourinho

After his Yorkshire Terrier had issues with customs. <br class="br"> http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/funny_old_game/7004282.stm <br class="br">Chelsea FC

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José Mourinho50

Portuguese association football player and manager 1963

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“My wife is in Portugal with the dog. The dog is with my wife so the city of London is safe, the big threat is away. [After his Yorkshire Terrier had issues with customs. ]”

José Mourinho (1963) Portuguese association football player and manager

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/funny_old_game/7004282.stm <br class="br">Chelsea FC

“"What you doin' with such a big ol' dog in New York?" "Never had a wife."”

Abraham Polonsky (1910–1999) American politician

Odds Against Tomorrow (1959).

“My wife wants a dog. She already has a baby. The baby’s almost two. My wife says that the baby wants the dog.
My wife has been wanting a dog for a long time. I have had to be the one to tell her that she couldn’t have one. But now the baby wants a dog, my wife says. This may be true. The baby is very close to my wife. They go around together all the time, clutching each other tightly. I ask the baby, who is a girl, “Whose girl are you? Are you Daddy’s girl?” The baby says, “Momma,” and she doesn’t just say it once, she says it repeatedly, “Momma momma momma.””

Donald Barthelme (1931–1989) American writer, editor, and professor

I don’t see why I should buy a hundred-dollar dog for that damn baby.
“Chablis”, opening
Forty Stories (1987)

“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. ”

Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) American actor and comedian

“There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.”

Benjamin Franklin (1706–1790) American author, printer, political theorist, politician, postmaster, scientist, inventor, civic activist, …

“That's my house and that's my car
That's my dog in my backyard
There's the window to the room
Where she lays her pretty headI planted that tree out by the fence
Not long after we moved in
That's my kids and that's my wife
Who's that man, runnin' my life?”

Toby Keith (1961) American country music singer and actor

Who's That Man.
Song lyrics, Boomtown (1994)

“My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties. Welcome to my world.”

Bill Engvall (1957) American comedian and actor

Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography (2002)

“I am steady with my wife. I'm faithful to my wife.”

Ted Haggard (1956) American minister

Time Magazine http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1554388,00.html, accessed November 4, 2006

“For anyone who feels our of place in the land of small dogs the only thing left is to become a big dog, and the only advantage in being a big dog is that one is not then ashamed of dying. Not even a big dog can help feeling shamed of living, a big dog least of all.”

Stig Dagerman book A Burnt Child

Source: A Burnt Child (1948), p. 258

“I will not … that my wife be so much as suspected.”

Julius Caesar (-100–-44 BC) Roman politician and general

His declaration as to why he had divorced his wife Pompeia, when questioned in the trial against Publius Clodius Pulcher for sacrilege against Bona Dea festivities (from which men were excluded), in entering Caesar's home disguised as a lute-girl apparently with intentions of a seducing Caesar's wife; as reported in Plutarch's Lives of Coriolanus, Caesar, Brutus, and Antonius by Plutarch, as translated by Thomas North, p. 53
Variant translations:
Caesar's wife must be above suspicion.

“My wife is in Portugal with the dog. The dog is with my wife so the city of London is safe, the big threat is away.”

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José Mourinho50

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