“I'm not buying this. If, if you're eleven years old, or twelve years old, thirteen, and you have a strong bond with your family, OK. Even if the guy [kidnapper] threatens you - this and that. … If you can get away, you get away.”

“There's two approved methods for getting a pedicure for a guy. Number one, you use your own grinder or…You have an eighteen year-old Vietnamese girl rub your feet and call you "Joe" and that's it!”

“I just think if you're 44 years old and you're not smarter than you were when you were 35 years old or 25 years old, just stay in your room.”

“Moby? You can get stomped by Obie! You 36-year-old bald headed fag, blow me. You don't know me; you're too old. Let go, it's over. Nobody listens to techno!”

“How can you become old in spirit? Only by carrying the past, isn't it? If you carry sixty years of burden with you, you're sixty years old. If you don't carry anything, you're like a newborn. The physical body may develop limitations, but the way you are has no limitations. It simply has no limitations. You are this many years old or that many years old simply because you carry that many years of garbage with you.”

“Maybe that was how it was with all first loves. They own a little piece of your heart, always. Conrad at twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, even seventeen years old.”

“Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks… then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get.

It's really not even fair to everyone else.”

“Later, when you're grown up, you realize you never really get to hang out with your family. You pretty much have only eighteen years to spend with them full time, and that's it.”

“You have many years to live—do things you will be proud to remember when you're old.”

“You can see where it was, years ago. Like an old woman who was once beautiful, but time has taken her beauty away.”