“This is what my friend said to me; he said "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." It's like, "Dude. you gotta give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in there."”
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Mitch Hedberg 101
American stand-up comedian 1968–2005Related quotes

Recalling a conversation with unidentified generals at the Pentagon "about ten days after 9/11" (circa September 21, 2001).
Real Time with Bill Maher [2.22] (episode 42), October 29, 2004; panel discussion with Maher, Kevin Costner, and Richard Belzer.

The Guardian - The best God joke ever - and it's mine! (September 1980)

“What a childhood I had. My mother never breast-fed me. She said she liked me as a friend.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 19

Julie Barenson, Chapter 15, p. 163
2000s, The Guardian (2003)

Source: The Tales of Alvin Maker, The Crystal City (2003), Chapter 4 “La Tia” (p. 74).