“Leather shoes and fried chicken and dead soldiers are only a tragedy if you waste their gift sitting in front of the television. Or stuck in traffic. Or stranded at some airport.”

“I wouldn’t eat a chicken if it dropped dead in front of me holding up a sign that said, ‘Eat Me.”

“A few weeks ago, sitting in traffic -- bumper-to-bumper traffic in Atlanta -- the car in front of me has got a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you love Jesus". I toot the horn a couple times, and the guy flipped me off.”

“But if I wanted shoes, and you had given me a piece of leather to make myself shoes, I should be laughed at if I took it.”

“The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.”

“I'm always amazed that people will actually choose to sit in front of the television and just be savaged by stuff that belittles their intelligence.”

“The tragedy of the gifted is the belief they are entitled to greatness, Lysander. As a human, you are entitled only to death.”

“It's easier to put on a pair of shoes than to wrap the earth in leather.”

“Some have been beaten till they know
What wood a cudgel's of by th' blow;
Some kick'd until they can feel whether
A shoe be Spanish or neat's leather.”

“I love sushi, I love fried chicken, I love steak. But there is a limit to my love”