“Next time you're at a wishing well. Doesn't happen often. Next time you're at a wishing well ask to see the manager! Tell him you've been coming there for 10 years and none of your wishes have come true. Either you gimme my money back—or I'm shittin' in the well!”

— George Carlin

What Am I Doing in New Jersey? (1988)

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George Carlin 270

American stand-up comedian 1937–2008

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“If I understood you well, you are telling me: Next time.”

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“"Who can I trust?" Arthur blurted out.
"Those who wish you well," said the Old One. "Not those who wish to use you well. Be a player, not a pawn. And that is three questions and all your time."”

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“You can want and want and want, but if he doesn't want you back… you might as well wish the sky were red.”

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“If you wish to marry well, inquire well.”

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“The next time you see Jesus Christ, ask Him what happened to the just society He promised 2,000 years ago.”

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“Whenever I go anywhere I find persons in humble situations who smile at me and wish me well. I smile back and wish them well. It is because at some time or other I have tipped them. To me the system has never been an annoyance but a delightful opportunity for the exercise of tact and judgment.”

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Bohemian San Francisco, Its Restaurants and Their Most Famous Recipes—The Elegant Art of Dining http://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/9464/pg9464.html, 1914, by Clarence E. Edwords
1810s

“Next time you're at a wishing well. Doesn't happen often. Next time you're at a wishing well ask to see the manager! Tell him you've been coming there for 10 years and none of your wishes have come true. Either you gimme my money back—or I'm shittin' in the well!”

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George Carlin 270

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