“I wish I'd get mad about something that actually, you know, kinda mattered. Go in Target and be like: "You know what? If you can't help me, then I need to speak to someone who can, because this is a three dollar pair of flip-flops made by a 5-year-old Guatemalan girl, and I'm not leaving until she gets benefits and an education under the NAFTA Fair Trade Agreement. You better go get a manager. This could take awhile."”

“This should tell you everything you need to know about guys. They only go after what they know they can get. We girls, on the other hand, aim really high. We take a leap…”

“Mostly, you write a script and someone’s gonna rewrite you. They get hundreds of— not hundred but they get ten writers to write something. If you have a big budget, you can go and get a lot of people to write on script…. I just actually heard that somebody said, 'Well, your screenplay got bought and now someone like Carrie Fisher will come in and rewrite you.' And I feel terrible, you know, because that’s not what I mean to do. My idea was never to raid something and trash it, you know. ‘Cause that – that’s more work for me!”

“I told my wife, I said, "You get there at 5:30 you can fly with me but let me tell you something Sugar Tits, at 5:31 I am wheels up and I am fucking gone!" ...I said that. Not very loud, but I said it. 5:31 gets there. Is she there? No! Do I leave? ...No! 6:01 gets there. Is she there? No. Do I leave? No. Why? Because this dick won't suck itself, that's why.”

“Ah, they tell me that the river's too deep
And it's much too wide for you can't get across to the other side.
But they don't know I've got to get there and hold her in my arms
Just a one more time like I did before when she was mine all mine.
Cause I can hear her saying (come to me baby)
I'm going away.
I'm going to stay.
I'm gonna get to you, no matter what I have to do.”

“Take a note: it usually works better if you wait until I do something stupid before getting mad at me.”

“Hegelism is like a mental disease—you cannot know what it is until you get it, and then you can't know because you've got it.”

“Okay. But I'm just going to be out there - having a tea party with her cats or whatever it is she has in mind. You need me? You yell. You want to leave? We go. I'll get you out of here, no matter what.”

“You need me? You yell. You want to leave? We go. I'll get you out of here, no matter what.”

“I'm persistent because I know social media is not a one-time thing. It's something that you get better and better with as you gain experience.”