“They say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
(I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone)
Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time
Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime!”

“I really had no control over my cat. Hell, who actually had control over any cat?”

“You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, "Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!" 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, "Interesting words … have you finished?" While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going … [mimes obeying all commands] "What the hell are you doing? I'm talking to the cat!"”

“I
think that the
world should be full of cats and full of rain, that's all, just
cats and
rain, rain and cats, very nice, good
night.”

“[T]here's more than one way to skin a cat. But from the cat's perspective, they all suck.”

“A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.”

“You don't take a dead cat to the vet. I mean you might, but why?”

“Having many cats is good. If you feel bad, you look at the cats and you feel better, because they know that everything is just the way it is. You don't have to be nervous about anything. And they know it. They are saviors. The more cats you have, the longer you will live. If you have a hundred cats, you will live ten times longer than if you have ten. One day, this will be known and people will have thousands of cats.”

“It's the way you look whenever she mentions her fiance. My cat looks like that before he hacks up a hairball.”

“I can call nothing by name if that is not his name. I call a cat a cat, and Rollet a rogue.”