“Aron, you do not have faith in your wife, you do not know your wife, you cannot demonstrate it to me, she does not exist, period… How would you prove me your wife exists?”

“Do not choose for your wife any woman you would not choose for a friend if she were a man.”

“It does help to actually realize that however stunning the person who is, you know, fluttering eyelashes at you, she doesn't do anything to match up to your wife.”

“I am your wife if you will marry me.
If not, I'll die your maid. To be your fellow
You may deny me, but I'll be your servant Whether you will or no.”

“Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.”

“It's so childish, "greatest country in the world." It's like saying, "I have the greatest wife in the world. Not just the one best suited for me, the greatest wife in the world. And if you could have my wife, you'd kill your wife."”

“Do not let your bachelor ways crystallize so that you can’t soften them when you come to have a wife and a family of your own.”

“If you can't sleep with your own wife wearing a false beard, what can you do?”

“If your wife locks you out of the house, you don't have a problem with your door.”

“You shall not covet thy neighbor's wife? Well, how about if she goddamn covets me? What do you think about that?”