Janet Evanovich citations

“Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.”

“My professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess.”

“I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times.”

“Nice dress. Take it off.”

“Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.”

“I hate mornings. They start so early.”

“I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"
Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum”

“I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy”

“Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off," he said. "I'm not in the mood to compromise.”

“Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.”

“I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since.”

“Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex… a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.”

“I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.”

“I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.”

“How many times have I told you not to hit people in the face. You kick them in the body where it doesn't show.”

“Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different. --Stephanie Plum”

“Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.”

“Some men go a lifetime and never have their kid blow up a car, but I have a daughter who's knocked off three cars and burned down a funeral home. Maybe that's some kind of record.”

“I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum”

“Cupcake, your middle name is trouble.”

“There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.”

“Honey, a man can't keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn't done.”

“I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman." -Ranger to Stephanie”

“You're a lunatic. You ran me over with a goddamn Buick.”

“Happens to me all the time… People are always underestimating my dumbness.”

“I'm sorry about your Porsche."

"I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful."

I was just sitting in your car!"

Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.”

“I shot that sucker right in the gumpy."
Grandma Mazur”

“Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.”

“Lula had Eminem cranked up. He was rapping about trailer park girls and how they go round the outside, and I was wondering what the heck that meant. I'm a white girl from Trenton. I don't know these things. I need a rap
cheat sheet.”