Janet Evanovich citations

Page 2

“You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious.”

“Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early."
-Ranger”

“If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.”

“I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?”

“Truth is, I'm a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable.”

“The way I see it, life is a jelly doughnut. You don't really know what it's about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decided it's good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best T-shirt.”

“Gotta protect the little dudes. I tried an AK-47, but it wouldn't fit under my seat. I like the Uzi better, anyway. It looks better with the dress. The AK seems too casual to me.”

“This is war,' I yelled through the door.
Lucky for me,' Morelli said. 'I give good war.”

“If she wasn't your grandmother I'd shoot her."
Ranger”

“Ranger locked eyes with me. "Please," he said.
Tank and Hal were goggle-eyed. They weren't used to "please." I wasn't used to it either. But I liked it.
Okay," I said. "Be careful. He's insane.”

“Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.”

“I looked over at him. "Is that a proposal?"

There was total silence for a couple beats. "I'm not sure. It just popped out."

"Let me know when you're sure."

"Would you say yes?" Morelli asked.

"I'm not sure.”

“Are you afraid of me?
Uh… yes.'
The smile stayed fixed in place. 'You should be. You locked me in a refrigerator truck with three dead people. Sooner or later I'm going to get you for it.”

“I checked my phone messages. Three in all.

The first was from Joe. “Hey, Cupcake.” That was it. That was the whole message.

The second was from Ranger. “Yo.” Ranger made Joe look like a chatterbox.”

“Ranger sent us to check on you," Hal said. "We just got here, and we heard shots."
"Some moron ate my jelly doughnut," Lula said. "So I shot him.”

“Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car has protective qualities"
You mean like a guardian angel?"
I mean, like, it has seatbelts”

“When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.”

“You think I'm gonna feel better eatin' a carrot? Get a grip. There's two idiots out there trying to kill me, and you think I'm gonna waste my last breath on a vegetable? (Lula)”

“It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.”

“I need mood music. I gotta get myself ready to kick butt."
Lula - High Five”

“I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate."
Grandma Mazur”

“One Ranger is all you'll ever need. - Ranger”

“I wasn’t a fabulous cook. I didn’t have a boyfriend, much less a husband. And I wasn’t a big financial success. I could live with all those failings as long as I knew that once in a while I looked really hot.”

“You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms."
Joe Morelli”

“There's me and then there's you, and you aren't ever going to be as good as me, Sweet Thing."
Ranger”

“I have bad car juju."
-Stephanie Plum”

“My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn."
"She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."

-Ranger and Stephanie”

“He's a good man," Ranger said.
"And you?"
"I'm better.”

“Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.”