Ambrose Bierce citations

Page 3

“Bien-être : état d'esprit produit par la contemplation des ennuis d'autrui.”

“Patience : forme mineure de désespoir, déguisée en vertu.”

“Religion : fille de l'espérance et de la peur; elle explique à l'ignorance la nature de l'inconnaissable.”

“Abstinent : personne faible qui cède à la tentation de se refuser un plaisir.”

“Tableaux : représentations en deux dimensions des choses inintéressantes en trois.”

“Présidence : le cochon le plus gras du champ de la politique.”

“Frontière : en géographie politique, ligne imaginaire entre deux nations, séparant les droits imaginaires de l'une des droits imaginaires de l'autre.”

“Évangéliste : porteur de bonnes nouvelles, particulièrement (dans un sens religieux) de celles qui assurent notre propre salut et la damnation de nos voisins.”

“Immigrant : individu mal informé qui pense qu'un pays est meilleur qu'un autre.”

“Politesse : forme la plus acceptable de l'hypocrisie.”

“Raison : propension au préjugé.”

“Irréfléchi : insensible à la valeur de votre conseil.”

“Connaissance : c'est quelqu'un qu'on connaît assez pour lui emprunter de l'argent, mais pas assez pour lui en prêter”

“Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.”

“Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.”

“Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.”

“Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.”

“Alliance - In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.”

“Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.”

“DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.”

“ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.”

“Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.”

“TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.”

“Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets.”

“Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.”

“God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.”

“Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting”

“Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.”

“Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.”

“I was born to poor because of honest parents.”

“Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.”

“Think twice before you speak to a friend in need”

“ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

“Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.”

“DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world's worship.”

“Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.”

“TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”

“FUTURE, n.
That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.”

“acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

“LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.”

“Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.”

“Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.”