Vivian Stanshall Quotes

“If I had all the money I've spent on drink — I'd spend it on drink.”

“If you are normal, I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life”

“A pale sun poked impudent marmalade fingers through the grizzled lattice glass, and sent the shadows scurrying, like convent girls menaced by a tramp.”

“It was a great party until someone found the hammer.”

“Frankly, once I've eaten a thing, I don't expect to see it again.”

“Willy consulted a book called I-ching. Florrie suggested calamine lotion to stop it…. Henry suggested it sounded like something a gentleman would do behind a handkerchief”

“earnestly humming on his way”

“If you're going to say anything filthy, please speak clearly.”

“Why can't I be different and original, like everybody else?”

“Mercifully, Henry hit him with the soft end of the pistol.”

“Two things in life I consider most important: Making love and making people laugh. If you could combine both, you're onto a good thing. Or else you're rather bad at it.”

“it's the problem with Italian aeroplanes too much hair on the wings”

“Do you know what a palmist once said to me? She said: WILL YOU LET GO!”

“You got a light, mac? No…but I've got a dark brown overcoat.”

“Florrie nodded and indicated the sink:"P'rhaps you'd care to wash your hands?" "arrh no thank you M'am; I already done that against a tree before I came in here" said the Wrinkled Retainer”

“The hounds are all fagged out after yesterday's Jehovah's Witnesses … we do not want more blood all over the lawns again”

“The gutters leaked like secrets, and the rain rained rain like rain…”

“I studied the swell of her enormous breasts and I said: "Baby you're so far ahead it's beautiful"”

“Gentlemen, I am a bulldog, and you will find my bark is worse!”

“Wrestled Anaconda and she's a big girl”

“Normally I pack a rod; in pyjamas I carry nothing but scars from Normandy Beach”

“And, looking very relaxed, Adolf Hitler on vibes. Nice!”

“why do male nudists wear towels to play tennis?”

“That was inedible muck, and there wasn't enough of it.”

“Wrestle poodles…and win!”

“English as tuppence, changing yet changeless as canal-water, nestling in green nowhere, armoured and effete, bold flag-bearer, lotus fed Miss Havishambling, opsimath and eremite, feudal-still reactionary Rawlinson End. The story so far.”

“… gauzes of filmy Fellini …”

“Viv Stanshall? I didn't know that.”

“Five years ago I was a four-stone apology — today I am two separate gorillas.”

“Like the shock of fondling a raw sausage, blindfold, at a gay party …”

“I don't know what I want, but I want it NOW!”

“Fear is the root of all courage”

“This unasked-for jollity in the middle of an English afternoon left Sir Henry shivering with a red passion, his face a crumpled tissue on which a lobster might well have wiped its bottom.”

“I'm going to rhino over your lino”

“Seems a novel enough way to commit suicide. Pass me m' pistol. See if I can't bring the blighter down in the lake.”