Tina Fey: Trending quotes

Tina Fey trending quotes. Read the latest quotes in collection
Tina Fey: 100 quotes1 like

“Former pop singer Tiffany posed as the centerspread model for this month's issue of Playboy magazine. Tiffany, a devout Baptist, sat down with her young daughter and showed her a Cosmopolitan magazine saying "See honey? Mommy isn't nearly as classy as these ladies."”

Tina Fey

citation needed

“NBC announced this week that they will be producing a 3 hour TV movie based on the life of Rudolph Giuliani. To keep the movie real to life, the Giuliani character is really unlikeable until the last 15 minutes, when everyone loves him.”

Tina Fey

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/01/01supdate.phtml

“(Typical signoff) Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.”

Tina Fey

“In Washington last week, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of 200 high school students. There were no survivors.”

Tina Fey

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/00/00qupdate.phtml

“Hoping to court ex-New Yorkers living in Florida, the Bush campaign is running radio ads there, featuring former New York mayors Rudy Giuliani and Ed Koch. The ads begin, "Hiiii. We're the reason you LEFT."”

Tina Fey

citation needed

“Sponge Bob Square Pants will begin airing in China in December so millions of factory workers can finally know what the hell they’re making. But Chinese censors have ordered the name of the show be changed to "CleaningpadCharlie RectangleShorts"”

Tina Fey

citation needed

“Gale Norton, President Bush's controversial nominee for Secretary of the Interior, told a Senate committee this week, "I intend to make the conservation of America's national treasures my highest priority." At the top of her list is the American Bald Oil Magnate.”

Tina Fey

citation needed

“"So, Alec Baldwin; great actor or greatest actor?" I'm gonna say "greatest actor"; Greatest… living… American… actor… in… the Baldwin family… by a mile.”

Tina Fey

"Ask Tina" segment from NBC's 30 Rock website

“Ashlee Simpson did a special performance at Mall of America this week. Reports from those present say that the venue was completely packed; I mean seriously, people were like sardines, wall to wall, there had to be like ten of them…all pushed up against the giant stage they constructed…in the janitor's closet. Because she sucks.”

Tina Fey

citation needed

“In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, "People love to hate us. But when you know us, you love us. And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea."”

Tina Fey

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/03/03dupdate.phtml

“It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.”

Tina Fey

citation needed

“This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in 10,000 pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over 14,000 dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.”

Tina Fey

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/04/04fupdate.phtml

“In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.”

Tina Fey

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/01/01dupdate.phtml

“Despite the fact that Martha Stewart has disgraced herself too much to hold an official position at Omnimedia, the company may still use her name and images to sell their products. You know, sort of like Clinton and the Democrats.”

Tina Fey

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/03/03oupdate.phtml

“Polaroid is warning customers not to listen to the part of the Outkast song Hey Ya! that tells people to "shake it like a Polaroid picture", because that could actually ruin the pictures. In a related story, Bacardi is warning shorties to be responsible and not “sip Bacardi like it’s Dey birfday."”

Tina Fey

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/03/03mupdate.phtml

“If these two are tired of having sex with each other, what hope is there for the rest of us?”

Tina Fey

[referring to the Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston break-up][citation needed]

“It was announced that Ricky Martin will perform at the Lincoln Memorial as part of President Bush's inauguration. Apparently, Mr. Bush's first step in restoring the dignity of the presidency is having a soap star sing "She Bangs" at the foot of the Great Emancipator.”

Tina Fey

citation needed

“"Do the NBC bigheads really pay attention to these message boards?" Um, I don't know if they read the message boards. I hope so, because I write fifty to a thousand fake posts a week, mostly, uh, saying that I'm really good and that no else is as good as me. So, I hope they listen to that because I'm trying to get a raise.”

Tina Fey

"Ask Tina" segment from NBC's 30 Rock website

“If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.”

Tina Fey

On Comedy
Source: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2003/11/03/anchor-woman

“New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is once again expressing outrage at an art exhibit, this time at a painting in which Jesus is depicted as a naked woman. Said the mayor, "This trash is not the sort of thing that I want to look at when I go to the museum with my mistress."”

Tina Fey

citation needed