Steven Wright: Trending quotes

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Steven Wright: 356 quotes14 likes

“Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with… just to screw with my subconscious.”

Steven Wright

When the Leaves Blow Away (2006), I Still Have a Pony (2007)

“Sorry… my mind was wandering… one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.”

Steven Wright

“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said”

Steven Wright

“You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time…”

Steven Wright

“Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?”

Steven Wright

“I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.”

Steven Wright

“I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.”

Steven Wright

“I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.”

Steven Wright

Steven Wright Special (1985)

“What a nice night for an evening.”

Steven Wright

“If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?”

Steven Wright

“My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.”

Steven Wright

“How young can you die of old age?”

Steven Wright