Robert Lynn Asprin Quotes

“In times of crisis, it is of the utmost importance that one does not lose her head.
Marie Antoinette”

“When old friends get together, everything else fades to insignificance."- War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death”

“When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, 'Cheer up, things could be worse.' And sure enough, they get worse.”

“You know,” Malcolm remarked to no one in particular, “I’d say that chap doesn’t enjoy time travel.”

“Fools have a way of discovering…that the laws of time travel, like the laws of physics, have no pity and no remorse.”

“All the years he’d spent fooling himself into thinking that what he did was correct was simply time wasted from his life, on delusions and fantasies that kept him from seeing what he was and where he was inevitably headed with genuine clarity.”

““He’ll get a life sentence for the illegal trafficking alone and probably a death sentence for the people he killed along the way.” He sighed slightly. “I always did fancy happy endings.””

“He’ll get a life sentence for the illegal trafficking alone and probably a death sentence for the people he killed along the way.”

“Playing God was a sweetly addictive game.”

“The more chaotic the world, the greater the need for ritual.”

““How much did that ridiculous maintenance job of yours pay?”
Skeeter blinked. “Five bucks an hour, why?”
“Five bucks? That’s not a salary, that’s slavery!””

“Small towns were terrible places to grow up with world-sized dreams—especially when those dreams were the only things you had left to hold onto.”

“The more I learn about history, the more savage I find it was.”

“But—as Kit and Sven had been so fond of saying—the Universe didn’t give beans for “fair.” It simply was. You got it right or paid the price.”

“When it comes to scouts, heroes are just people who confuse cowardice with common sense.”

“So fare the fortunes of men, Skeeter thought bitterly, when seven wolves and a sheep decide what’s for lunch. Perfect democracy: everybody got to vote. Even the lunch.”

“Are you out of your mind? No, you have to be in possession of a mind, first, to be out of it.”

“What?” Jenna came out of her chair so fast, it crashed over. “Are you insane?”
“No,” Skeeter said mildly, “although I know a few people who might argue the point.”

“Education,” he smiled, “is never a waste of time.”

“Skeeter just couldn’t figure out what was so horrible about taking a good, long, clear-eyed look at one’s past and facing whatever one found in it. Making up the past to fit whatever idea some politically correct group wanted to pass off as reality this week seemed a lot more dangerous to him than facing brutal facts.”

“It operates very much like the social structure of a nomadic tribe. Those in the brotherhood are fully human; those outside are not.”

“Skeeter thought dark, vile thoughts at bureaus and the bureauc-rats that ran ’em.”

““Hi, Sven.”
“Hi, yourself. The answer’s no.””

“Malcolm had forgotten how very young eighteen was, with its mixture of invincible assuredness, fragile emotions, and the desperate need to be taken seriously—even when caught in complete ignorance.”

“Kit chuckled. “You, Bull Morgan, are a wicked judge of human character.”
“Hell, Kit, thought you’d figured it out by now: all human character is wicked. Just varies in degree is all.””

“It is jihad, Mr. Morgan, a particularly virulent, fundamentalist form of hatred.”

“No matter how you look at it,” Margo muttered, “when you get down to it, human beings aren’t really much better than killer plains apes, are they? Just a thin sugar-coating of civilization to make ’em look prettier.”

““She’s young, Kit.”
“That’s no excuse. The universe doesn’t give a damn when it squashes you.””

“A brave man is one who admits his fear. Only a fool believes himself invincible.”

““Uncle Sven and I are about to start your first lesson in survival theory.”
She gave them both a dubious glance. “That being?”
Sven guffawed. “When the fight starts, be someplace else. And always remember, nobody watches your butt for you when it’s You versus the Universe—and Margo, the universe just don’t give a damn.””

“Bull Morgan was just the right man for the job, a man who found the law useful in how far it could occasionally be bent to save a friend.”

“Once again, Caddrick had failed to use the few brains God had given him.”

““Oh. I was beginning to worry.”
“You do that,” Kit laughed. “I like it better when you’re worried. Proves you’re thinking.”
She put out a pink tongue. “You’re mean and horrible. Why does everybody else like you?”
Kit scratched his head. “Search me. Guess it’s my good looks and charm.””

“A tiny whisper at the back of her mind warned her to be wary of what one asked the gods for, lest they grant it.”

“Li was a very honest and honorable man. But when it came to any man’s abiding passion, honesty occasionally went straight out the nearest available window.”