Lewis Black: Likeness

Lewis Black is American stand-up comedian, author, playwright, social critic and actor. Explore interesting quotes on likeness.
Lewis Black: 116   quotes 0   likes

“Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person."”

Lewis Black

"No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
Taxed Beyond Belief (2002)

Personality

“Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.”

Lewis Black

Last Laugh ‘05 (2005)

“People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. You go to the casino in your hotel. On your arrival, you get $100 in quarters. Take that $100 back to your hotel room and stare at it for a long, long time. Why? Because you're never going to see them again. Then you take those quarters to the bathroom and you flush them, one by one by one. And the nice thing about that is that every so often the toilet will back up, and you'll feel like a WINNER!”

Lewis Black

The White Album (2000)

People , Feeling , Time

“Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we… are all like snowflakes.”

Lewis Black

Black on Broadway (2004)

Health

“They've gotta stop reporting wind chill. That's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they came up with it, but it's a lie. They come on, "Well, it's 27 degrees today, but with the wind chill, it's minus 3." … WELL, THEN IT'S MINUS 3, ASSHOLE! I don't need to know what the weather was like if the conditions were perfect!”

Lewis Black

Rules of Enragement (2003)

Lie , Perfection , Weather

“You are an adult, and you can dress up whenever you want to. You don't need permission anymore! If you wake up next Tuesday, and you feel like being Batman, go for it! And then you go to work, and your boss will look up and go "who are you," and you can say…"I am Batman. That's who I am, who are you?"”

Lewis Black

The Carnegie Hall Performance (2006)

Feeling

“Wise men say that time is like a river. I say time is like a river of SHIT… and as you float down that river in your little canoe, your paddles are getting smaller and smaller.”

Lewis Black

Last Laugh ‘06 (2006)

Time , Men

“I love Wisconsin, I love coming here. I've performed here a lot because I've discovered that you people apparently have some sort of federal grant for drinking. [audience cheers] It's–you're insane! You pay less for liquor than anybody I know anywhere in the country. Nobody pays any less for liquor than you. What're you–what're you–HOW?! I don't know if you're using that farm subsidy money, or if you're just hijacking liquor trucks, but this is fucking insane. [audience member shouts something] Is it volume? It's unbe–fucking–lievable, it's staggering! I come here because basically if I spend four days here drinking, and even with the plane ticket, it's cheaper than drinking in New York. How do you know when it's New Year's? That's the big mystery to me. What's the difference? I've been in bars here and it's like New Year's every fucking night! "Uh, New Year's, that's when we–we drink with hats on."”

Lewis Black

Source: The White Album (2000)

Drink , Night , Country , Love