Josh Billings: Thing

“The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else.”

“The hardest thing that enny man kan do iz tew fall down on the ice when it iz wet, and get up and praze the Lord.”

“Ventilashun iz a good thing, but when a man kant lay down and sleep in a 10 aker lot without taking down two lengths ov fence to let the wind in he iz alltogether too airish.”

“Rather than not hav faith in enny thing, i am willing tew be beat 9 times out ov 10.”

“Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted concern; put a Yankee in, and he would see where he could alter it to advantage; put an Irishman in, and he would want to boss the thing; put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed to plant it.”

“If we giv up our minds tew little things we never shall be fit for big ones. I knew a man once who could ketch more flies with one swoop ov his hand than enny boddy else could, and he want good at ennything else.”

“Thare iz sich a thing az being alwus too quick--i am one ov that kind miself, i alwus miss a rale rode train bi being thare a haff an our too soon.”

“Thare iz this mutch kan be sed in favour ov good-breeding, it iz the only thing that kan make a phool endurable.”

“As a gineral thing, when a woman wares the britches, she has a good rite tew them.”