Jeff Stilson: Watch

Jeff Stilson is American comedian. Explore interesting quotes on watch.
Jeff Stilson: 10   quotes 0   likes

“It's actually quite difficult to stay awake while watch golf on television. It's a great sleep inducer. I think this is why the commentators in golf whisper. They don't want to wake you up. 'Looks like Tiger has about a twenty foot putt, and while he's lining it up I'll take this opportunity to sing "Rock-a-Bye baby,…"”

Jeff Stilson

Comedy Central Presents Jeff Stilson (2003)

Thinking , Sleep , Singing , Baby

“I have tremendous respect for women after watching my wife give birth three times. I could never, ever raise a child to whom I gave birth. You know, because a newborn is about the size of a basketball, and if I had to expel a basketball from my body via a very restricted passageway, I would never want to see that basketball again. Not even on weekends.”

Jeff Stilson

Comedy Central Presents Jeff Stilson (2003)

Women , Birth , Time

“I'm trying to wean myself off sports, it's too time consuming. I don't watch football anymore, I gave that up. I got tired of the interviews after the games, because the winning players always give credit to God, and the losers blame themselves. You know, just once I'd like to hear a player say, 'Yeah, we were in the game, until Jesus made me fumble. He hates our team.”

Jeff Stilson

Comedy Central Presents Jeff Stilson (2003)

God , Hate , Game , Sport