Jeff Foxworthy: Quotes about time

“A few weeks ago, sitting in traffic -- bumper-to-bumper traffic in Atlanta -- the car in front of me has got a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you love Jesus". I toot the horn a couple times, and the guy flipped me off.”

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

Love , Cars , Guy , Time

“If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.”

Jeff Foxworthy

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)
Variant: If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

Sex , Time

“When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, "Let him pull it on his head a few times, he'll learn. You wanna put a penny in the light socket? Try that out. OHH! Hurt like hell, didn't it? Don't do that no more."”

Jeff Foxworthy

You Might Be a Redneck If… (1993)

Hell , Parent , Light , Learning

“Women [in bed] are kind of like diesel engines. You know, it may take a little bit to get them going, but once you do, they can run a long, long time. Men, on the other hand, we're more like…bottle rockets. Ooh. Aah. <snores”

Jeff Foxworthy

Totally Committed (1998)

Women , Men , Time

“[Talking about "The First Singles Apartment"] They're all furnished pretty much the same way. In your bedroom, you have the mattress on the floor, protected by a mountain of dirty clothes, milk crates for night stands, lava lamp with a permanent glob in the bottom, stolen road sign on the wall, a blanket for a curtain. Out in the hall it was the mystery stain on the carpet, Budwiser mirror on the wall. Out on the balcony it was the rusted-out Hibachi grill, plant with no leaves on it, bike with no chain on it. In the den you had the spool. If you get one of those, you'll be like "it's coffee table time!" Next to that, the $9,000.00 stereo. We're going hungry, but we've got tunes! That was the stereo, you could turn it on after midnight and make the people down the street wet the bed. And the beanbag chair with duct tape on it to keep the stuff from fallin' out of it.”

Jeff Foxworthy

You Might Be a Redneck If… (1993)

People , Way , Mountain , Coffee