George Carlin: Trending quotes

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George Carlin: 540 quotes98 likes

“I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.”

George Carlin book Brain Droppings

Source: Brain Droppings

“I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush.”

George Carlin book Brain Droppings

Source: Brain Droppings

“I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.”

George Carlin book Brain Droppings

Source: Brain Droppings

“You can prick your finger… Just don't finger your prick.”

George Carlin

Class Clown (1972)
Context: And the other two-way word is "prick". It's okay if it happens to your finger; yes, you can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick!

“A woman told me her child was autistic, and I thought she said artistic. So I said, 'Oh great. I'd like to see some of the things he's done.”

George Carlin book Brain Droppings

Source: Brain Droppings

“The older you get, the better you realize you were.”

George Carlin

“Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.”

George Carlin

“With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.”

George Carlin

“No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you're screwed because it's all fixed and rigged. There is a club and you ain't in it.”

George Carlin

“I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.”

George Carlin

“Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom”

George Carlin

“The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.”

George Carlin