George Carlin: Trending quotes

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George Carlin: 540 quotes98 likes

“Pardon me I've got nothing to say.”

“Everyone smiles in the same language.”

“Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”

“We are a nation of sheep, and
someone else owns the grass.”

“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

Books, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? (2004)
Source: When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”

George Carlin quote: “A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed.”

“A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed.”

George Carlin quote: “There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.”

“There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.”

“There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.”

George Carlin book Brain Droppings

Source: Brain Droppings

“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.”

Books, Brain Droppings (1997)

“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.”

“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”

“Religion is like a pair of shoes….. Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

Carlin on Campus (1984)

“Meow means "woof" in cat.”

Books, Brain Droppings (1997)

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”