Doug Stanhope: Quotes about time

Doug Stanhope is American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. Explore interesting quotes on time.
Doug Stanhope: 56   quotes 1   like

“I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.”

Doug Stanhope

Something to Take the Edge Off (2000)

Parent , Time

“The word addiction is used far too liberally in our society and I shy away from it. If I have any addiction, it would be nicotine. I would say alcohol is more of a compulsive habit for me. I have used different narcotics for roughly 20 years and I have always used them socially, sporadically and usually sparingly. I use cocaine occasionally and sometimes medicinally - before a third show Saturday, a bump of coke can make the difference between a strong performance and just phoning it in - and I've never developed any type of habit, never craved it the next day. I will use hallucinogens a few times a year as well, always in a safe environment. So far as an "early grave," I'm more concerned with quality of life. No sense in having a mint condition classic car if you're afraid to take it out of the garage. I look as sadly at people awash in hand-sanitizer and surgical masks in elevators as they might see me when I'm pouring booze down my head on stage.”

Doug Stanhope

On his drug use. Doug Stanhope interview http://markprindle.com/stanhope-i.htm, MarkPrindle.com, 2007
Miscellaneous

Life , People , Alcohol , Cars

“I've been playing the CNN Drinking Game, have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says the word "evil"? Oh, I'm a wreck! You gotta do a double shot every time he says "evildoers". Chug the bottle for "axis of evil."”

Doug Stanhope

Are you a president or an exorcist?!
Word of Mouth (2002)

Game , Drink , Evil , Time

“Well, you know these immigrants, they come to our country, they burden our tax system. What they do is they come here and get into our education system and our health care and I gotta pay the taxes. My taxes have to pay that. Well what the fuck are you doing to me every time you have a kid? Every time you have a kid because its American I should pull up a chaise lounge and wave a flag while 15 of those things come out of you? Oh, I can’t wait to pay for these! They’re American! I have a vasectomy and an abortion on my record, but I can’t wait to pay for your fucking fat-headed mid-western kids. Love it! I’ll take a second job.”

Doug Stanhope

No Refunds (2007)

Time , Waiting , Country , Health