Dorothy Parker: Trending quotes

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Dorothy Parker: 344 quotes28 likes

“In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.”

Dorothy Parker

Source: The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker

“Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”

Dorothy Parker

“Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)”

Dorothy Parker

Source: "The Flaw in Paganism" in Death and Taxes (1931)

“Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.”

Dorothy Parker

Source: Enough Rope

“Two things made The Dice of the Gods, another play about drugs, seem much better than it had any real right to seem. One was that Morphia had come first, and once you had seen Morphia, nothing seemd so very terrible to you. p. 375”

Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker: Complete Broadway, 1918–1923 (2014) https://openlibrary.org/books/OL25758762M/Dorothy_Parker_Complete_Broadway_1918-1923, Chapter 6: 1923

“Too fucking busy, and vice versa.”

Dorothy Parker

Response to an editor pressuring her for overdue work, as quoted in The Unimportance of Being Oscar (1968) by Oscar Levant, p. 89

“Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”

Dorothy Parker

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

Dorothy Parker

Man and the Gospel (1865) by Thomas Guthrie "and you may know how little God thinks of money by observing on what bad and contemptible characters he often bestows it."
“We may see the small Value God has for Riches, by the People he gives them to.” -- Alexander Pope (1727).
Misattributed
Variant: If you want to know what the Lord God thinks of money, just look at those to whom he gives it.

“They sicken of the calm who know the storm.”

Dorothy Parker

Source: Sunset Gun: Poems

“By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this --
One of you is lying.”

Dorothy Parker

“I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”

Dorothy Parker

Variant: I've never been a millionaire but I know I'd be just darling at it.

“I hate writing, I love having written.”

Dorothy Parker

“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I’m under the table,
After four I’m under my host.”

Dorothy Parker

Variant of:<br>I wish I could drink like a lady.<br>“Two or three,” at the most.<br>But two, and I’m under the table—<br>And three, I&#x27;m under the host. <br class="br">The Harlequin, Volume 2, 1959, University of Virginia (page ? http://books.google.com/books?id=zdFKAAAAYAAJ&amp;q=%22under+the+table%22+%22under+the+host%22) <br class="br">Perhaps attributed due to “One more drink and I&#x27;d have been under the host.” (see above). <br class="br">“ Martini Madness: Dorothy Parker didn’t write the famous quatrain about martinis that’s always attributed to her. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/drink/features/2013/martini_madness_tournament/sweet_16/dorothy_parker_martini_poem_why_the_attribution_is_spurious.html”, Troy Patterson, Slate, April 8, 2013 <br class="br">Misattributed <br class="br">Variant: One martini. Two at the most. Three I&#x27;m under the table, four I&#x27;m under the host! <br class="br">Source: The Collected Dorothy Parker