Dorothy Parker: Trending quotes

“In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.”

“I shudder at the thought of men….
I'm due to fall in love again”

“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

“Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”

“Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)”

“Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.”

“Two things made The Dice of the Gods, another play about drugs, seem much better than it had any real right to seem. One was that Morphia had come first, and once you had seen Morphia, nothing seemd so very terrible to you. p. 375”

“Too fucking busy, and vice versa.”

“Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

“Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.”

“Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!”

“They sicken of the calm who know the storm.”

“By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this --
One of you is lying.”

“I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”

“I hate writing, I love having written.”

“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I’m under the table,
After four I’m under my host.”