David Cross: Doing

David Cross is American comedian, writer and actor. Explore interesting quotes on doing.

David Cross: 54 quotes0 likes

“[After reading an article on Miles for Kids in an inflight journal] What [President of the Airline] is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids… But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?”

The Pride is Back

“If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.”

The Pride is Back

“In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes…you have to decide, immediately, you have to go "Ohmigod. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world?"”

Shut Up, You Fucking Baby

“We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see… all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.”

The Pride is Back

“[On the Iraq War] I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. [laughter, long pause] No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are…”

It's Not Funny

“I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men…I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. (woman in audience says “Not buying that”) No? That one, you don’t believe it? You believe that I didn’t do a series of tests? You are right to not believe it, because I’m going to go ahead and admit that I do not believe what I just said, it was what’s described as a 'joke.'”

Um, I’ll be telling a bunch of them here tonight.
It's Not Funny