“High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know…”David Cross The Pride is Back
“[After reading an article on Miles for Kids in an inflight journal] What [President of the Airline] is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids… But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?”David Cross The Pride is Back
“The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!”David Cross Shut Up, You Fucking Baby
“If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.”David Cross The Pride is Back