Daniel Handler: Trending quotes

Daniel Handler trending quotes. Read the latest quotes in collection
Daniel Handler: 380 quotes9 likes

“Allison squinted at the strange, catastrophic sky, and took another step, another step, another step, because in the future - she could see it - this would not be happening.”

Daniel Handler book Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Wrongly

“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”

Daniel Handler book The Slippery Slope

The Slippery Slope (2003)

“On the day you officially join the organization, you will hear a noise outside your home. It may sound like the howl of a wolf, the chirping of a cricket, the engine of an automobile, the keys of a typewriter, the striking of a match, or the turning of a page. The noise will come in the middle of the night, the middle of the morning, or, in very rare cases, late in the afternoon. Ask your parents what the noise was. If they reply 'nothing,' they are replying in code, because there is never 'nothing' outside one's home. If you are interested in volunteering, answer your parents with the following question: 'If there's nothing out there, what was that noise?' We will be listening, and will know it is safe to act.”

Daniel Handler

V.F.D.
Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography (2002)

“Wedding after wedding after wedding and then yours - your wedding? Would that make you what they're now calling happy?”

Daniel Handler book Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Barely

“The sad truth is that the truth is sad.”

Daniel Handler book The Carnivorous Carnival

Lemony Snicket
The Carnivorous Carnival (2002)

“God, or somebody, what is it with terrible things? If you made this world why not a better one?”

Daniel Handler book Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Barely

“Like handshakes, house pets, or raw carrots, many things are preferable when not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable volume, I am afraid that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up -- and down -- a range of strange and distressing mountains.”

Daniel Handler book The Slippery Slope

The Slippery Slope (2003)

“South San Francisco The Industrial City is ugly as sin but somebody lives there: Allison, in fact.”

Daniel Handler book Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Wrongly

“… the point is, why is there cruelty? Why do people ask other people to do impossible things? why behave this way? why is there mean, when there are better things than mean, love particularly?”

Daniel Handler book Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Particularly

“Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the world that it is likely that you are always in the dark about one thing or another, whether you are in the dark in the dark or in the dark not in the dark, although the sun can go down so quickly that you may be in the in the dark about being in the dark, only to look around and find yourself no longer in the dark about being in the dark, but in the dark in the dark nontheless, not only because of the dark, but because of the ballerinas in the dark, who are not in the dark about the dark, but also not in the dark about the locked cabinet, and you may be in the dark about the ballerinas digging up the locked cabinet in the dark, even though you are no longer in the dark about being in the dark, and so you are in fact in the dark about being in the dark, even though you are not in the dark about being in the dark, and so you may fall into the hole that the ballerinas have dug, which is dark, in the dark, and in the park.”

Daniel Handler book The End

Source: The End (2006), Chapter 9

“I find you interesting, Joe, so nearly everything you say will be interesting too. I love you. I could say I'm lonely but that's not the only reason.”

Daniel Handler book Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Collectively

“Klaus: Maybe I don't know what "cakesniffer" means, but I think I can translate our new school's motto… If I'm not mistaken, "Memento Mori" means "Remember you will die."”

Daniel Handler book The Austere Academy

The Austere Academy (2000)

“I’m sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on the inside would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does. -Lemony Snicket”

Daniel Handler book The Miserable Mill

The Miserable Mill (2000)

“"Instead of change, please give me gun so i can shoot you." She is soft-spoken but short and full of rage lately, like her whole life.”

Daniel Handler book Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Often

“As the aphorism says, If you have to ask, you can't afford it.”

Daniel Handler

Veritable French Diner
Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography (2002)

“Although "jumping to conclusions" is an expression, rather than an activity, it is as dangerous as jumping off a cliff, jumping in front of a moving train, and jumping for joy. If you jump off a cliff, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful landing unless there is something below you to cushion your fall, such as a body of water or an immense pile of tissue paper. If you jump in front of a moving train, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful voyage unless you are wearing some sort of train-proof suit. And if you jump for joy, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful bump on the head, unless you make sure you are standing someplace with very high ceilings, which joyous people rarely do. Clearly, the solution to anything involving jumping is either to make sure you are jumping to a safe place, or not to jump at all.”

Daniel Handler book The Vile Village

Lemony Snicket
The Vile Village (2001)

“Shyness is a very curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people are any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down.”

Daniel Handler book The Austere Academy

The Austere Academy (2000)

“What he'd just said was "Who cares?" and nobody wants to hear that.”

Daniel Handler book Adverbs

Adverbs (2006), Wrongly

“In order to spare you any further repulsion, it would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a toboggan, a deceitful trap, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a troupe of organized youngsters, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire.”

Daniel Handler book The Slippery Slope

The Slippery Slope (2003)