Christopher Moore: Likeness

“Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.”

“The Science you don't know looks like magic.”

“Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.”

“Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.”

“And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.”

“They want to be tied up, I tie them up. They want to be spanked, I spank them. They want to be called names, I call them names. But try and drink a little of their blood, and they scream like babies. What about my needs?”

“But she's a redhead, so she's probably evil, even at her tender age."

"I thought you liked redheads."

"I do. What's your point?”

“Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.”

“It's like time travel only, you know, slower…”

“The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.”

“Words, words, words, a million million words circle in my head like hawks, waiting to dive onto the page to rend and tear the only two words I want to write.

Why me?”

“You want me and I want you. right?"
Who did she think she was? You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's Syndrome. He said, "Well, I guess. Yeah, that's right.”

“Lonliness evaporated off of them like the steam off dry ice, and by morning it was just a cloud on the ceiling of the room, then gone with the light.”

“Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!”

“Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk”

“Fornication with your daughters thats like a double dog sin.”

“You should feel what it is like to pleasure a falcon. You lock talons with her in the sky and do it while you both are falling like meteors. You would like it; they never complain if you come too fast.”

“This book you've read is just a story. I made it up. It is not designed to change anyone's beliefs or worldview, unless after reading it you've decided to be kinder to your fellow humans (which is okay), or you decide you really would like to teach yoga to an elephant, in which case, please get videotape.”