Charlie Brooker: Look

“Fortunately for whining snotface, the party itself goes with a bang. She enters looking every inch the cosseted flesh-waste she is, and her and her nauseating idiot scumbag friends celebrate into the night: dancing, shrieking, acting like pillocks, and generally making you feel like getting down on your knees and praying for a nuclear holocaust.”

Charlie Brooker

Screenwipe

Feeling , Dance , Night

“But once I had a Jabscreen of my own, I soon discovered the novelty lasts six months, tops. There's a limit to how many conversations you can have about it before you reach burnout. Have you seen the app which takes your photo and makes it look like you're really fat? Yes. And the game where you land all the planes on the runway? Yes, that too. Hey, how about this thing with the funny red monster that repeats everything you say? Please leave me. Please just leave me here to die.”

Charlie Brooker

Guardian columns

Photo , Game

“If you're hell-bent on making your bank look and sound like a simpleton, a desk labelled Travel Money is still a bit too formal. Why not call it Oooh! Look at the Funny Foreign Banknotes instead? And accompany it with a doodle of a French onion-seller riding a bike, with a little black beret on his head and a baguette up his arse and a speech bubble saying, "Zut Alors! Here is where you gettez les Francs!"”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian, 6 November 2006, The banks are coming over all chummy. It's nauseating http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1940584,00.html
On Barclays' rebranding in an attempt to make themselves appear less stuffy
Guardian columns

Money , Travel , Hell

“…I haven't seen so many dirty snouts, and slimy arseholes crammed into such a small space since I last looked inside a sausage.”

Charlie Brooker

S2E6
Newswipe

“A lot of people think right-wingers aren't capable of being amusing at all. Not true. Mussolini looked hilarious swinging from that lamppost.”

Charlie Brooker

Screen Burn, The Guardian, 24 February 2007, 2007-08-19 http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,2019169,00.html,
Guardian columns, Screen Burn

People , Thinking

“You could grind a dog's head and a shoe together into a paste and spoon-feed it to me, and I'd probably think it was chicken liver pate, provided I kept my eyes closed, and provided you plucked all the dog hair out beforehand, and provided you'd managed to find a pestle and mortar big enough to mash it all up in, and provided - look, it wouldn't be worth it. I'm just saying I can't taste anything. There's no need to get carried away. What's the matter with you? You're an idiot.”

Charlie Brooker

On his lack of tastebuds due to a bad cold.
[Screen Burn, http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,2193905,00.html, The Guardian, 20 October 2007, 2008-07-30]
Guardian columns, Screen Burn

Dogs , Shoe , Thinking , Past