Bill Maher: Quotes about thinking

Bill Maher is American stand-up comedian. Explore interesting quotes on thinking.
Bill Maher: 282   quotes 4   likes

“The Democrats are going to lose some seats, probably a lot. But not as many as they would have if the tea baggers weren't winning the primaries because I think voters are generally conservative.”

Bill Maher

Source: Larry King Live interview (2010)
Context: The Democrats are going to lose some seats, probably a lot. But not as many as they would have if the tea baggers weren't winning the primaries because I think voters are generally conservative. And when I mean — when I say conservative, I mean they're not comfortable with people who are out there, on the left or the right. And these tea baggers are out there. I've said it before probably on your show. When people get in a voting booth, it's like when they go on an airplane. They get scared. They tend to do things that are conservative in nature, even if they're liberal. … I just think that people — they understand our country is in a lot of trouble. Even people who are angry understand that crazy people are not going to make it better. Christine O'Donnell like all these tea baggers has no plan, no agenda. No policy points. They have one advantage. They're running against Democrats. That's their big advantage.

Thinking , Tea

“But I don't think there's ever been a time when the two sides just have two different sets of reality.”

Bill Maher

Larry King Live interview (2010)
Context: This is a really fascinating time because, again, we live in these two different realities. I don't think it's ever been like this. I know there's always been a — shall we say passionate — a passionate divide in American politics. But I don't think there's ever been a time when the two sides just have two different sets of reality.
I mean, if more than half the Republicans think that Obama is trying to impose Sharia law on the United States of America, that's not something that you can argue about. That's just something in their view that has to be extirpated.

Thinking , Reality , Time

“This is a really fascinating time because, again, we live in these two different realities. I don't think it's ever been like this.”

Bill Maher

Source: Larry King Live interview (2010)
Context: This is a really fascinating time because, again, we live in these two different realities. I don't think it's ever been like this. I know there's always been a — shall we say passionate — a passionate divide in American politics. But I don't think there's ever been a time when the two sides just have two different sets of reality.
I mean, if more than half the Republicans think that Obama is trying to impose Sharia law on the United States of America, that's not something that you can argue about. That's just something in their view that has to be extirpated.

Thinking , Reality , Time

“… even scarier is why people have stopped thinking global warming is real. One major reason, pollsters say, is, "we had a very cold, snowy winter". Which is like saying the sun might not be real because last night it got dark.”

Bill Maher

Episode 187, "New Rules" segment http://www.hbo.com/real-time-with-bill-maher/index.html#/real-time-with-bill-maher/episodes/0/187-episode/article/new-rules.html, June 4, 2010
Real Time with Bill Maher

People , Thinking , Winter , Sun

“I think the guy was mostly a coke dealer, but I didn’t do coke. I never understood that drug. If you want to be edgy and nervous, go to work.”

Bill Maher

But I'm Not Wrong (2010)

Guy , Thinking

“You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery, but a little modesty about it might keep the heat off of us. I can't stand the people who say things like, "We built this country!" You built nothing. I think the railroads were pretty much up by 1980.”

Bill Maher

Victory Begins at Home (20 January 2004)

People , World , History , Thinking

“You've got to give it up for our troops. The mission itself is hard enough, but then there's all sorts of backdoor drafts where they extend their tours, calling up the guard, the reserve; all these Enron accounting tricks so that Rumsfeld doesn't have to admit he got the troop levels wrong, and still they don't bug out. And I see this, and then I watch some reality show, and I see people who are peevish and selfish and greedy and narcissistic and lazy and stupid, and I think to myself, "Why is this first group of people defending this second group of people?"”

Bill Maher

I'm Swiss (2005)

People , Stupidity , Thinking , Reality

“I'd like to protect children, too, but… is everything worth sacrificing to that? I mean, drugs have done a lot of good. […] They've midwived a lot of good ideas… lot of great songs, you know? I think "Penny Lane" is worth 10 dead kids. […] I think Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. There, I said it.”

Bill Maher

I'm Swiss (2005)

Children , Idea , Thinking , Dead

“I think we need to change that old saying, "I don't need a building to fall on me." Because two did and we still don't get it. I think we all stick our head in the sand as a deep human impulse.”

Bill Maher

When You Ride Alone You Ride with Bin Laden: What the Government Should Be Telling Us to Help Fight the War on Terrorism (2002)

Thinking , Change

“If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too.”

Bill Maher

Larry King Live, 11 August 2005; in response to a called-in question if he would become a believer if the Lord spoke to him

Thinking

“Muslims still take their religion too seriously, whereas we have the good sense to blow it off. Catholics don’t follow the Pope. In overwhelming numbers they divorce, they have pre-marital sex, they masturbate. And unlike the Koran, no one here seriously considers following the Bible literally. Guys don't look over their fence on Sunday morning and see a neighbor mowing the lawn and think, "Working on Sunday? I really should kill him."… But, before I conclude, it should in fairness be noted that, in speaking of Muslims, we realize that of course the vast majority are law-abiding, loving people who just want to be left alone to subjugate their women in peace.”

Bill Maher

"The South Park Mohammad controversy" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUEaMA4gRIk
Real Time with Bill Maher

Love , Women , People , Peace

“More and more American pharmacists are refusing to fill prescriptions for birth control because of their personal moral objections. Hey, you know what would really teach us a lesson? If you took off your pretend doctor jacket and got another job. … Now, of course, I know the other side is saying, yes, but this is a moral issue. Yeah, but the problem is, not everyone gets their morals from the same book. You go by the book that says slavery is okay but sex is wrong until after marriage, at which point it becomes a blessed sacrament between a husband and the wife who is withholding it.
In conclusion, let me say to all the activist pharmacists out there, the ones who think sex is bad probably because sex with them always is. Fellas, a pharmacist is not a law-giver, not even a doctor. In the medical pecking order, you rank somewhere in between a chiropractor and a tree surgeon.
You don't answer to a law above the laws of men. You work for Sav-On. The doctors are the ones who make medical decisions because they went to medical school, whereas you were transferred from the counter where people drop off film.”

Bill Maher

New Rules (2005)

Men , Marriage , People , Books

“Rudy Giuliani's first wife was his cousin. Did you know this? I think that's a very cheap way to go after the Southern vote.”

Bill Maher

The Decider (21 July 2007)

Way , Thinking

“I'll clue you in on a secret: death is not the worst thing that could happen to you. I know we think that; we are the first society ever to think that. It's not worse than dishonor; it's not worse than losing your freedom; its not worse than losing a sense of personal responsibility.”

Bill Maher

Be More Cynical (2000)

Death , Secret , Thinking , Sense

“Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.”

Bill Maher

I'm Swiss (2005)

People , Books , Faith , Religion

“In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him liberal he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something.”

Bill Maher

"French Lesson" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dVgNroeafo&feature=PlayList&p=159B6F88FE3D7D74&playnext_from=PL&index=54
Real Time with Bill Maher

Thinking

“I mean it was bad enough when we had these people called the birthers who thought he was not born here. … But I was saying last night that I've identified this new group and I'm calling them the churchers. …The churchers. They're the people who don't think that he is a Christian. They think he's — he's a secret Muslim, Larry. I guess you haven't been paying enough attention. … When I talked to him, he told me about his plan to use drinking water to sterilize white people. I get — whoops, I've said too much.”

Bill Maher

Larry King Live interview (2010)

People , Secret , Drink , Thinking

“Women, they always want you to feel that, y'know, they like it when men cry, they think it's so sensitive. Bullshit. That is a trap. They don't like it. You can cry once when your mother dies. Other than that, keep it to yourself. They know people that cry a lot, they're called their girlfriends, they don't need it from you.”

Bill Maher

Crazy Stupid Politics (2012)

Women , Men , People , Feeling

“You have to understand the Tea-bagger mindset; they have this nostalgia for this America that they think was stolen from them, that used to be, that was better – it's really the 1950s, okay? That's what they think was Shangri-La, and, y'know what they really don't get is that it's kind of insulting to a lot of Americans to pine for this era, cause it wasn't that good for a lot of people. It was good if you were a white man. It wasn't that good if you were Mexican, or black, or Jewish, or disabled, or gay, or a woman.”

Bill Maher

But I'm Not Wrong (2010)

People , Understanding , Thinking , Nostalgia