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A. P. Herbert Quotes

Sir Alan Patrick Herbert CH , usually known as A. P. Herbert or simply A. P. H., was an English humorist, novelist, playwright and law reform activist who served as an Independent Member of Parliament for Oxford University from the 1935 general election to the 1950 general election, when university constituencies were abolished.

Born in Ashtead, Surrey, Herbert attended Winchester College and New College, Oxford, graduating with a first in Jurisprudence in 1914. He joined the Royal Naval Volunteer Reserve as an ordinary seaman after the outbreak of World War I, later serving as an officer with the Royal Naval Division. He fought in the Gallipoli campaign and on the Western Front, becoming his battalion's adjutant in 1917, following which he was injured and did not return to the frontline before the end of the war. Following the war, he published The Secret Battle and joined the permanent staff of Punch in 1924. He also wrote the librettos for several musicals.

Herbert was elected as the Independent MP for Oxford University in the 1935 general election. Before the outbreak of World War II, Herbert campaigned for private member's rights, piloted the Matrimonial Causes Act 1937 through Parliament, opposed the Entertainments Duty and campaigned against the Oxford Group. He enlisted in the River Emergency Service in 1938 and served in World War II as a Petty Officer in the Royal Naval Auxiliary Patrol. He captained his river boat, the Water Gipsy, assigned to the River Thames. In 1943, he was part of a parliamentary commission sent to investigate the future of the Dominion of Newfoundland. Wikipedia  

✵ 24. September 1890 – 11. November 1971
A. P. Herbert photo

Works

Uncommon Law
Uncommon Law
A. P. Herbert
Uncommon Law
Uncommon Law
A. P. Herbert
A. P. Herbert: 22 quotes0 likes

Famous A. P. Herbert Quotes

“Was the cow crossed?"
"No, your worship, it was an open cow.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"The Negotiable Cow".
Uncommon Law (1935)

“Don't let's go to the dogs tonight,
For mother will be there.”

A. P. Herbert

"Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight", She-Shanties (1926).

“The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity
Are constructed with considerable care.”

A. P. Herbert

"Lines on a Book Borrowed from the Ship's Doctor", A. P. H.: His Life and Times (1970).

“Let's stop somebody from doing something!
Everybody does too much.”

A. P. Herbert

"Let's Stop Somebody from Doing Something", Ballads for Broadbrows (1930).

“It is like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock, which not only is itself discredited but casts a shade of doubt over all previous assertions.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"Is It a Free Country?"
Uncommon Law (1935)

“Bus driver, bus driver, the sirens have gone,
The bombs may come down, but the buses go on;
Bus driver, I know you won't think me a snob
If I whisper: "Bus driver, I don't want your job."”

A. P. Herbert

"Seeing It Through", London Transport poster by Eric Kennington (1944).

A. P. Herbert Quotes about time

“A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle; while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"Which Is the Liberal Party?"
Uncommon Law (1935)

“The critical period in matrimony is breakfast-time.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"Is Marriage Lawful?"
Uncommon Law (1935)

“For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.”

A. P. Herbert

"The Saviours", Laughing Ann (1925).

A. P. Herbert Quotes

“It cannot be too clearly understood that this is not a free country, and it will be an evil day for the legal profession when it is.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"Is It a Free Country?"
Uncommon Law (1935)

“Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"What Is a Judge?"
Uncommon Law (1935)

“How proud upon your quarterdeck you stand,
Conductor, Captain of the mighty bus!
Like some Columbus you survey the Strand,
A calm newcomer in a sea of fuss.”

A. P. Herbert

"Seeing It Through", London Transport poster by Eric Kennington (1944).

“As my poor father used to say
In 1863,
Once people start on all this Art
Goodbye, moralitee!
And what my father used to say
Is good enough for me.”

A. P. Herbert

"Lines for a Worthy Person", Ballads for Broadbrows (1930).

“The Englishman never enjoys himself except for a noble purpose. He does not play cricket because it is a good game, but because it creates good citizens. He does not love motor-races for their own sake, but for the advantages they bring to the engineering firms of his country. And it is common knowledge that the devoted persons who conduct and regularly attend horse-races do not do so because they like it, but for the benefit of the breed of the English horse.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"Is Fox-Hunting Fun?"
Uncommon Law (1935)

“The whole Constitution has been erected upon the assumption that the King not only is capable of doing wrong but is more likely to do wrong than other men if he is given the chance.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"What Is the Crown?"
Uncommon Law (1935)

“People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"Is It a Free Country?"
Uncommon Law (1935)

“Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offences, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"Is It a Free Country?"
Uncommon Law (1935)

“The laws were very comical; to bet was voted lax,
But your betting was the only thing that nobody could tax.”

A. P. Herbert

Speech to Parliament, 1930s; quoted by Bernard Levin in The Pendulum Years (1970).

“There's alcohol in plant and tree.
It must be Nature's plan
That there should be in fair degree
Some alcohol in Man.”

A. P. Herbert

Number Nine ([1951] 1952) p. 151.

“The Farmer will never be happy again;
He carries his heart in his boots;
For either the rain is destroying his grain
Or the drought is destroying his roots.”

A. P. Herbert

"The Farmer", Tinker, Tailor (1922).

“Nobody's wrong but England – and England's always wrong,
Too late – or else too early – too soft – or else too strong.
And when for once the wide world begins to praise her name
Her own sons crowd and hurry to shout her back to shame.”

A. P. Herbert

"Poor Old Britain", Leave My Old Morale Alone (1948).

“A highbrow is the kind of person who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.”

A. P. Herbert book Uncommon Law

"Is 'Highbrow' Libellous?"
Uncommon Law (1935)

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