Quotes from book

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“There Has Ceased to Be a Difference Between My Awake Clothes and My Asleep Clothes”

“If I’m at a party where I’m not enjoying myself, I will put some cookies in my jacket pocket and leave without saying good-bye.”

“Everyone has a moment when they discover they love Amy Poehler.”

“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”

“If I gave my mother a knitted scarf she'd be worried I was wasting my time doing stupid stuff like knitting instead of school work. Presenting a homemade knitted object to my parents was actually like handing them a detailed backlog of my idleness.”

“In my mind, the sexiest thing in the world is the feeling that you’re wanted.”

“I think when men hear that women want a commitment, they think it means commitment to a romantic relationship, but that's not it. It's a commitment to not floating around anywhere. I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life.”

“I think sometimes people think cheerful is a synonym for dumb, so no one is ever cheerful.”

“When smart people are nice, it's always terrifying, because I know they're taking in everything and thinking all kinds of smart and potentially judgmental things.”

“Albums that remind me of my childhood happiness make me incredibly sad now.”

“This book will take you two days to read. Did you even see the cover? It’s mostly pink. If you’re reading this book every night for months, something is not right.”

“I kind of killed it in college. You know that saying "big fish in a small pond"? At Dartmouth college, I was freakin' Jaws in a community swimming pool.”

“You should know I disagree with a lot of traditional advice. For instance, they say the best revenge is living well. I say it’s acid in the face—who will love them now?”

“I would rather have someone read my diary than look at my iPod playlists.”

“Another old saying is that revenge is a dish best served cold. But it feels best served piping hot, straight out of the oven of outrage. My opinion? Take care of revenge right away.”

“You might also see that some of my playlists are simply two songs on repeat fifteen times, like I’m a psycho getting pumped up to murder the president.”

“If it weren't for my imagination, I would weigh ten thousand pounds. This is because the only way I am able to exercise anymore is through a long and vivid revenge fantasy.”

“Why didn’t you talk about whether women are funny or not?

I just felt that by commenting on that in any real way, it would be tacit approval of it as a legitimate debate, which it isn’t.”

“A remarkable thing about me is that the time that elapses between a sad thought and a flood of tears is three or four seconds.”