“I was born. It was easy. My mother did all the hard work.”
Source: Blow Me Down
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Katie MacAlister 17
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Don Wade (October 18, 1997) "A Bird on the Bench is Worth 12,252 In Roberts Stadium Seats", The Evansville Courier, p. C1.
“I was so ugly… When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother!”
Actually originated with Henny Youngman..
Misattributed
Variant: I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Source: Youngman H. 101 of My Funniest Jokes. New York: Henny Youngman, 1976. Brochure. Cited in: Essays of an Information Scientist, Vol:4, p.515-518, 1979-80, Current Comments #26, p. 516, June 30, 1980 PDF http://www.garfield.library.upenn.edu/essays/v4p515y1979-80.pdf
“I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother”
101 of My Funniest Jokes. New York: Henny Youngman (1976). Brochure..
Source: Cited in: Essays of an Information Scientist, Vol:4, p.515-518, 1979-80, Current Comments #26, p. 516, June 30, 1980 PDF http://www.garfield.library.upenn.edu/essays/v4p515y1979-80.pdf
Michael Specter, (April 8, 1993) "At Home With: Madeline Kahn; Funny? Yes, but Someone's Got to Be" http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F0CE7D9153DF93BA35757C0A965958260&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=1, The New York Times, The New York Times Company
“Hard work makes easy reading or, at least, easier reading.”
Cornell Chronicle interview (1999)
“I never did a day's work in my life, it was all fun.”
As quoted in Edison & Ford Quote Book (2003) edited by Edison & Ford Winter Estates.
Date unknown
“All my life my mother has told me I'm hard to shop for. She can't find the bacon aisle!”
Source: <i>Bourbon & Bacon</i> (2014), p. 193
[The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your Heart, 10, Nelson, Willie; Pipkin, Turk, 159240197X, 2006, Gotham]