“Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table.
Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!?
Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what?”

“Calvin, what kind of trouble are you planning to make?”
“No trouble at all,” said Calvin, annoyed. “Why do you think I want to cause trouble?”

“Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them.
Mom: I haven't seen them.
Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!”

“Calvin: Dad where do babies come from?
Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears?
Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart - almost as good and a lot cheaper!”

“Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!”

“Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'… what do you suppose that means?"
Television: "… it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet”

“Calvin: If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
p55”

“Calvin: Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in…But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.
p.140”

“If music is frozen architecture, then the potpourri is frozen coffee-table gossip… Potpourri is the art of adding apples to pears…”

“Calvin: I'm a genius. I can't believe how smart I am.
… I've got more brains than I know what to do with.
Hobbes: So I've noticed.”