“Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don’t take it off until you’re thirty-four.”

“He could bring a six-foot tall pink rabbit in a bikini back home with him if he wanted to. It’s not my business. But if you’re asking me if I’ve brought any girls back here, the answer is no. I don’t want anybody but you.”

“I never found anyone else and I don’t want anyone else. I don’t care whether you’re ninety years old or thirty. If I can’t be your lover, I’ll be your nurse.”

“Hmmm, I bet you’d be really cute with hornays. Not that you’re not cute right now, but you’re a bit young. You’re only what? Four in human years? Oh wait, that’s wrong, isn’t it? You ninety? (Simi)”

“He's probably never met a six-foot-tall hot elf-woman in a fur bikini, either”

“Oh God — I look back now, and it seems so gross. At just 14 years old, I had to wear a thong bikini. And then they used that scene in the trailer, so my entire school saw it! There are still men who come up to me today and say, "You were really hot in that film!"”

“… If I don't have twenty or thirty books right here, waiting to be read, I start jonesing. That's my compulsion.”

“One and two and three and four,
Tell them what the girlie wore.
It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini
That she wore for the first time today,
An itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini
So in the locker she wanted to stay”

“I’ll put off readingfor six more years until she turns 18.”

“I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.”