“Unpleasant?" he finished for her.
"Only on the days when my adoptive mother tosses me out of the house with instructions never to darken her door again. Usually, I'm remarkably good-natured. Try me on any day that doesn't end in y.”

“When I was younger, my mother told me, "Mitch, some day you're going to have to move out of the house and get a job." Well, today is the day, that's why I'm here with you people.”

“To me, these days will never end. I am always there, in that room with her,
or if not I, the imprint of myself - my fossil-love”

“My mother, as much as I can remember from my early boyhood, and from what I heard of her after her death, was of a most lively temper, and possessed of a good and noble heart, but a little inclined to sensibility; her greatest pleasure was to see everyone happy about her. She loved me dearly and spoilt me. I adored her. Alas, I lost her when only a little boy, and never shall I efface from my memory the day of her death and funeral.”

“My philosophy is pretty simple – any day nobody’s trying to kill me is a good day in my book.”

“She had the look in her eye when you kick and kick at the door and it doesn't open, when you write a boy letters and letters and he never loves you, not ‘til the day he dies. Not even then.”

“Well I love her;
But I love to fish.
I spend all day out on this lake
And hell is all I catch.
Today she met me at the door
Said I would have to choose.
If I hit that fishin' hole today,
She'd be packin' all her things,
And she'd be gone by noon.Well, I'm gonna miss her
When I get home.
But right now I'm on this lake shore
And I'm sittin' in the sun.
I'm sure it'll hit me
When I walk through that door tonight
That I'm gonna miss her.
Oh, lookie there, I've got a bite.”

“I arrived at the house one day, my mother being at work, and heard the sounds of Samuel plunging his penis into my sister’s vagina through her closed room door, along with my sister’s moans. I stood there and listened to it all. So my sister, who was four years younger than me, managed to lose her virginity before I did. It reminded me of how pathetic I was, that at the age of twenty-two, I was still a virgin.”

“My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. ”

“My mother taught me a Spanish saying,” he remarked, “that it takes four men to make a salad: a spendthrift for the oil, a philosopher for the seasonings, a miser for the vinegar, and a madman for the tossing.”